A Regret Named Me

While taking photos at the tourist attraction, I moved around three or four times to find the best angle. I aimed the camera at my boyfriend, Shawn Jacobson, and called out three times, "Hey, look this way." He seemed unable to hear me. His eyes were fixed on something in the distance instead. Then Nadia Sparks, my best friend, fumbled for her phone and called out to him, "Look at the camera!" He immediately struck a pose and smiled tenderly into her camera. A young couple saw the photos on Nadia's phone and teased her, "Wow, your boyfriend must really love you. You can see it in his eyes!" Nadia's face instantly turned bright red, and Shawn cleared his throat awkwardly. I looked down at my camera and saw that I had only captured a third of his profile. It looked like a paparazzi shot. Ever since we were kids, they had always ignored me. The two of them acted like I never had an opinion. As teenagers, they always excitedly picked where we would go, assuming I'd just follow along. When we grew up, the two of them decided to study medicine. They never bothered to ask what I wanted and signed me up for a medical program too. Later, they became the ER's dream team, while all my hard work only earned me a place as just a nurse. When I looked up, they were already walking side by side toward the next spot for photos. They probably expected me to just follow them, but I turned around and walked in the opposite direction. All this time, I had always stayed one step behind them. But even I had a day when I no longer wanted to follow them. Chapter 1 Shawn Jacobson didn't realize I was missing until three hours later. The message he sent me was cold and distant. "Where did you run off to? Did you get lost again while buying us drinks at the entrance?" I couldn't recall how many times something like this had happened. He only seemed to remember I existed when he needed something from me. I didn't reply and continued with my work. The head nurse, Carla Porter, had just finished making her rounds when she saw me. Surprised, she asked, "You saved up your annual leave to go on a trip with Shawn and Nadia. Why are you back so soon?" My hands froze as I sorted through the medication. They could finish an emergency surgery together with ease and earn a week of extra time off. But to go on a trip with them, I had to use my precious annual leave. Yet the trip I had been looking forward to for so long only made me feel invisible. Three more hours passed before Nadia Sparks walked to the nurse's station carrying a huge stuffed animal. She gave me a playful wink. "Janet, this is the prize Shawn and I got for pretending to be a couple," she said. "We actually had to hug each other for 30 minutes straight. I'm exhausted! "But it was worth it to make my best friend happy." I had suggested joining the hugging contest earlier, but Shawn had brushed me off and called it childish, so I never brought it up again. But the moment Nadia said she wanted to do it, he had no problem pretending to be her boyfriend. I was the one actually dating him, not her. An ache I couldn't put into words settled in my chest. When I didn't take the stuffed animal from Nadia, Shawn reluctantly shoved it into my arms. "You left without saying a word. Nadia was worried about you, and now you're giving us attitude?" he said. As soon as he said that, all the coworkers around us looked at me with disdain. Nadia turned to glare at him, then looked at me and said sweetly, "He's always been bad with his words. Don't mind him. "Janet, are you still upset about the photos? Listen, I have so many embarrassing pictures of him on my phone. I'll show you!" She pulled up her photo album, pretending to get back at him. Shawn, who was always so serious and proper, looked silly and playful through her camera. Meanwhile, the 1267 photos of him on my phone were all ones I had secretly taken from different angles. Shawn wrapped an arm around Nadia's shoulders and tickled her. He grumbled, "I told you not to show those to other people. Just wait till I get even with you!" Nadia squealed and laughed. "Stop! I'm sorry!" I stood there, stunned. To him, I really was just another outsider. - I went straight upstairs and knocked on the hospital director's office door. "Dr. Colton, I've decided to accept the overseas training opportunity," I said. Charles Colton looked excited, but concern soon appeared on his face. "I'm glad you agreed to go," he said, "but have you discussed it with your mentor?" Shawn was my mentor. When I first joined the hospital, Nadia and I were both medical interns under him. But only Nadia was kept on by the hospital. Throughout my residency, I never made a single mistake and even earned special commendations three times. Shawn brushed it off as nothing more than doing my job. Once, I stayed up all night finishing medical records and didn't go home for a full day. He said I was only trying to catch up because I wasn't naturally talented. But when Nadia saved an epilepsy patient on her own, he flooded Charles' office with glowing recommendations until she was given a special placement in the ER. Later, I slowly realized that the harder I tried to catch up to them, the farther away they seemed. I shook my head and gave a small, resigned smile. "There's no need to discuss it with him. I've already made my decision." Chapter 2 By the time we left the hospital that night, a violent storm had already started. Shawn opened the only umbrella and pulled Nadia close without a second thought, while I stood behind them in a daze. I had forgotten to bring one. He paused for a moment before turning to me. "I'll take Nadia to the car first, then come back for you." Before I could say anything, he was already shielding Nadia as they ran into the downpour. The cold, damp wind cut through me, and I couldn't stop sneezing. An hour passed, and I was shivering from the cold when I called Shawn. It took a full 20 minutes before he finally answered. I could hear a game playing in the background. Shawn sounded frustrated at being interrupted, with a brief moment of confusion in his voice. "Sorry, I forgot," he said. "You're unbelievable. If you couldn't wait, you should've just called a cab. You didn't need to stand there this whole time. "Hold on. I'll call a cab for you." The next moment, Nadia's voice came through the phone. She complained, "Hurry up and cover me. We're about to lose!" He cut off the call without hesitation. I stood at the hospital entrance, my face soaked with rain and tears that I couldn't seem to wipe away. I ran two miles through the rain before I finally managed to hail a cab. The driver handed me a pack of tissues and couldn't help but say, "There have been a lot of cases of women being harassed around here lately. "You're a young lady, and you still dared to run around in the rain? Didn't your boyfriend even try to come pick you up?" Hearing that, I finally realized the danger. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. There really had been a lot of creeps around the hospital lately. Back then, Shawn had even ordered pepper spray online and put it in Nadia's bag. He hadn't gotten one for me. When he saw how disappointed I looked, he pulled me into his arms and said, "You have a boyfriend to protect you. Why would you need that?" But at this very moment, I had neither the pepper spray nor someone to protect me. … When I got home and opened the door, Shawn was drying Nadia's hair. She was wearing the matching pajamas Shawn and I had bought as a couple. At the sound of the door, Shawn turned off the hair dryer. His expression darkened slightly. "You're finally back," he said. "Nadia and I were so worried about you. We were about to go look for you if you didn't come back soon." The two of them were in matching pajamas, already showered and with their hair dried. They clearly didn't look like they were about to leave the apartment to find me. My eyes welled up, and the hurt I had kept buried finally came to the surface. "Did you ever think about what could happen to me out there in the middle of the night? "I'm your girlfriend, not her!" Shawn froze for a moment. Nadia's face turned bright red. She pushed him away and ran out without looking back. Shawn clicked his tongue and was about to chase after her, but stopped. "What's gotten into you today? You messed up and now you're throwing a tantrum?" he snapped. "Nadia and I are on shift tomorrow. If there's a surgery, you'll assist us. "Think of it as a way to redeem yourself." After saying that, he chased after Nadia without looking back. I stood there drenched from head to toe. There was mud covering my pant legs and the ground around my feet. Somehow, I was always the one left waiting. I didn't even get the chance to say no. … The next day, I woke up in a daze. When I checked my temperature, it was nearly 104 degrees. My mind drifted in and out of consciousness, and I didn't even have the strength to open my eyes. I called them more than a dozen times, but neither Shawn nor Nadia answered. I had no choice but to call emergency services. The moment I heard Shawn's voice, I felt like I had finally found my salvation. "Shawn, I have a fever." "Why is it you?" His tone immediately hardened. "I didn't pick up, so you called the emergency line? You're a healthcare worker yourself. How could you treat your job like a joke?" Chapter 3 Nadia's panicked voice came from the other end. She sounded like she was about to cry. "Mom suddenly twisted her ankle. She can't move at all right now," Nadia said. "I called an ambulance. Shawn, please come help me." Her crying drowned out my pleas for help, and the call was immediately disconnected. In the end, a coworker realized I hadn't shown up for work and called an ambulance to take me to the hospital. When I opened my eyes again, the doctor on duty sighed. "Brain damage caused by high fever is irreversible. You studied medicine too, so you should know better." I did. But as the attending physician, Shawn should have understood that even better than me. - Shawn didn't find out I was hospitalized with a fever until late that night. He had just finished making his rounds and hadn't even had time to take off his white coat. He picked up the chart by my bedside and checked it. "Your fever is still lingering," he said. "Let's add another dose of medicine and see if it helps." His touch on my forehead was gentle, but my gaze was cold. "I told you I had a fever. Why didn't you help me?" I asked. Shawn stopped what he was doing and frowned. "The elderly aren't like younger people. What if she broke a bone?" he said. "You're a medical professional. You should know which situation is more urgent." Yet, his own motto had always been that every patient mattered equally. Just then, Nadia walked in with a guilty look on her face. She said, "My mom's injury came at a bad time. Otherwise, she wouldn't have taken up the ambulance and caused Janet to end up hospitalized." Shawn glanced at me icily before comforting her in a gentle tone. "There's no such thing as good or bad timing with accidents," he said. "Janet has always been overly sensitive since she was little. You know that." My voice suddenly turned cold. "The hospital has other ambulances." The smile in Shawn's eyes vanished, replaced by annoyance. "But you're okay now, aren't you?" He sounded impatient. "Nadia was crying so hard that I panicked. "I didn't think about anything else because I knew you could always take care of yourself. Maybe the ones who cried the loudest always got the most attention. Perhaps I was just never Shawn's priority. But this time, I almost died. This incident was different from all the times he had taken her side. The hurt I had buried rose to my throat, but I swallowed it down and said, "Shawn, let's break up." After saying that, I turned around and closed my eyes. Nadia grabbed the corner of my clothes from behind, looking so anxious she was on the verge of tears. "Janet, I'm really sorry," she apologized. "If you want to blame someone, blame me! Please don't be mad." The next moment, Shawn laughed bitterly behind me. "Don't you know what she's like?" he said. "She probably learned that little push-and-pull trick from something she saw online." Then he added, "When has she ever had an attitude? She has only started acting differently recently. I don't know what got into her." The two of them started mocking me again, just like they always had, for being so quiet and reserved. Neither of them noticed the flight notification that popped up on my phone. Chapter 4 Before I left the country, my final surgery was one where I assisted Shawn and Nadia. A male patient had just been in a serious car accident, and his condition was critical. During the surgery, I accurately reported the patient's vital signs. "Heart rate is 120. Prepare to administer medication." But unexpectedly, Nadia gave the injection using the dosage for a heart rate of 125. The monitor let out a sharp alarm. As the head of the ER, Shawn suddenly ordered in a stern voice, "Get out! Have Dr. Slade take over." After three hours of fighting to save the patient, the two of them worked together to finish the surgery successfully. Shawn walked out of the operating room and removed his mask. His expression was dark. "What the hell happened back there?" he asked. "How could you make such a basic mistake?" Nadia's eyes immediately welled up with tears as she bit her lip. "But I clearly heard 125. It's my fault for getting it wrong." Shawn immediately turned his questioning gaze toward me. I tensed up and quickly explained, "You all heard me. I said 120." Impatience flashed in Shawn's eyes. "A mistake is a mistake. You have to take responsibility for it." With that, he wrote a big "Failed" on my performance evaluation form. The annual awards at the end of the year were more than just recognition. Recipients also received three times their regular year-end bonus. I had put in far more effort than anyone else. I made the hospital my second home, often working nonstop for 24 hours at a time. My eyes reddened with tears, and my voice grew hoarse. "Everyone voted in favor of me." But Shawn only responded coldly, "It needs to be judged based on all factors." Behind him, a small, triumphant smile appeared on Nadia's otherwise sweet-looking face. After five years of working tirelessly and sacrificing so much to get where I was, everything came to nothing right then. - There were five hours left until my flight took off. I packed my things from the nurse's station into a cardboard box. The other nurses looked at me like I was trouble and made sure to stay away. Shawn walked over with a group of interns. "I won't punish you too harshly this time, so I'll transfer you to the front desk," he said. "You have the most patience, so the job suits you. "Submit a written statement and apologize to the patient and his family. After that, we'll put this incident behind us." He stared down at me, expecting me to lower my head like I always had before and keep apologizing. But I didn't say a word. I carried the heavy box and quickly walked out of the hospital. By the time Shawn messaged again, urging me to hand in my written statement, I was already on a flight headed elsewhere. - Nadia was punished with extra shifts, and Shawn stayed at the hospital with her for three whole days. He thought this was the perfect chance to keep Janet Lindon waiting for a few more days. When the three-day punishment ended, Shawn arrived at the nurse's station early to pick Janet up after her shift. He ran into Carla, who had just come out. "Could you call Janet out? I'm here to take her home." Carla stared at him in disbelief. Her next words left him stunned. "Dr. Jacobson, Janet has gone abroad for further training."