After They Chose Her and Left Me Behind, I Walked Away From the Family

I've had one fatal flaw my whole life. I can't find my way anywhere. Not just bad with directions. The second I leave somewhere familiar, I can't tell north from south. I could walk through an intersection, turn around, and be completely lost. My best friend Irene, my brother Victor, and my fiancé Alex decided this needed fixing. They called it "survival training." They'd swap out my driver at underground auctions. Disappear while I was checking cargo at the docks. Leave me stranded in places I'd never been, then tell me with straight faces it was all for my own good. I got used to it. But today, they went too far. I stepped into the restroom for a few minutes. When I came back, the private dining room was empty. Glasses cleared, plates gone, even my coat taken. Alex told me this was a secure family zone and took my phone for safekeeping. The waiter handed me a black envelope. One sheet of paper inside. [You've walked these streets with us three times. You should know them by now.] [If you can't even find your way from here, how will you ever be the Donna of the Grey family?] I stared at that last line, and for the first time, I didn't feel like chasing after them. So what if I can't find my way? Every street in New York is our family's territory. If I can't get home, someone will come find me. Chapter 1 By the time I got back to the estate, it was pitch dark. The living room was lit up bright. Irene was curled up on the sofa eating dessert. Alex and my brother Victor were sitting beside her, a freshly opened bottle of wine in front of all three. When she saw me walk in, Irene immediately sat up straight and shot the two of them a smug look. "Called it. I knew she'd find her way back tonight." "You two lost. I get to run the family schedule for the next month." Victor leaned back into the sofa and scoffed. "What'd you do, leave her breadcrumbs or something?" "Last time she got lost at the docks it took her half a day. No phone today and she's back in under three hours?" Alex didn't say anything. He just looked up at me for a second. He's my fiancé. We grew up together. The family's chosen heir. Our parents arranged the engagement when we were kids. Back then, he used to hold my hand and walk me home from the little path outside the estate every single time. He told me over and over that as long as he was around, I would never lose my way home. Funny how the person who ended up leaving me alone in strange places the most turned out to be him. Victor is my brother. Well, not by blood. Over a decade ago, Victor's father was killed in a family purge. He was brought to the estate when he was just ten. Everyone thought keeping a stray kid in a mafia household was a waste. Nothing but dead weight. But I clung to his arm and refused to let go. Insisted I wanted a big brother. My father couldn't say no. So Victor stayed. All these years later, he'd become the most ruthless enforcer in the family. And the person Irene trusted most. "Oh, quit it." Irene laughed and tossed my phone onto the table. "I grabbed her phone a while ago. So? You guys gonna admit she's actually getting better or what?" The mood in the room shifted instantly. The smile faded from Victor's face. "Hold on. When did you take it?" "Earlier." "Why didn't you say anything?" His voice dropped noticeably. Alex frowned too. "If something had happened to her, we wouldn't have been able to reach her." Irene looked at both of them like they'd lost their minds. "Are you two for real right now? This whole training thing was your idea." "And now suddenly I'm the bad guy?" Victor was quiet for a few seconds. Then he waved it off. "Forget it. She's home." "Just don't pull that again without telling us." Irene pouted, clearly not taking it seriously. Alex had already gotten up and walked over to me. He took my wrist, looked at my face carefully, and only relaxed once he was sure I wasn't hurt. "Irene meant well. Don't hold it against her." He turned toward the kitchen. "I had them save you dinner. And that dessert you like. Hang on, let me grab it." "Don't bother." I pulled my hand back. My voice was calm. "I'm tired." I picked up my phone and walked straight upstairs. A few seconds of quiet behind me. Irene looked at Victor nervously. "She's mad, isn't she?" She bit her lip awkwardly and stood up, reaching for her coat. "I should go. She probably doesn't wanna see me right now." Alex was already at the door, holding it open for her. "It's late. You shouldn't walk back alone. I'll drive you." Victor stood up immediately. "I got it." Alex glanced at him. "Stay. I'm on the way." Victor let out a cold laugh. "You live on the east side. I live west. Since when is that on the way?" And just like that, the two of them started arguing in the doorway over who would drive her home. I stopped at the turn of the staircase. I didn't look back. How funny. They were worried about Irene walking home alone at night. Fighting over who got to escort her. Couldn't even settle who would go. But not a single one of them thought to ask me. The girl with no phone, deliberately dumped in an unfamiliar part of the city, who couldn't tell left from right. How exactly did she get home by herself? Chapter 2 Victor didn't win the argument. Alex and Irene left together, and Victor was sent back to his own place. Back in my room, I didn't bother checking what was happening downstairs. I opened my laptop and sent an email to the family's attorney. I wanted to apply for a transfer to the European division. One year. It wasn't out of spite. I just suddenly wanted to be somewhere else. At eight that evening, my father came home and had the kitchen prepare dinner himself. Victor knocked on my door to call me downstairs. When he saw me sitting by the window, not moving, he paused for a moment before speaking. "You still hung up on the Irene thing?" "Come on, you know how she is. She never thinks before she acts. But she really does care about you." When Irene first entered our lives, she was an outsider my father had just taken in. That year, her family's business collapsed, and they had no choice but to come under our family's protection. Everyone assumed she'd eventually be traded off in an arranged marriage. But the first time I met her, I pulled her to my side. Later, at her first family banquet with us, someone mocked me for being a princess who hid behind two men. Irene grabbed the man's wine glass and smashed it on the table in front of everyone. That night, she got scolded by the elders for causing a scene. But it was the first time I thought she was someone worth knowing. After that, she became the fourth in our group. Four of us growing up together. Training together. Even choosing the same academy. I always thought we'd keep going like that forever. Until somewhere along the way, I noticed the secrets between them kept multiplying. And I was always the last one to find out. Victor saw I wasn't moving and pulled me out of the chair. "Just come eat." I was hungry. No matter how bad I felt, I wasn't going to punish my own stomach. At the table, Victor brought up the private horse ranch on the outskirts that had just been renovated. "Heard they got new horses and expanded the whole place. Irene already set up horses and an instructor for tomorrow." "She wants all of us to go." I was about to say no, but my father smiled first. "Go." "You used to love riding when you were little, remember? First time you fell off, you cried and swore you'd never go back. Next morning you were pulling on my arm begging me to take you." He sighed softly. "I've been too busy these past years. Haven't spent enough time with you." I looked at him, and the refusal on the tip of my tongue suddenly wouldn't come out. Those childhood memories felt so far away. But his words brought them rushing back. Back then, Alex would hold the reins for me. Victor would stand nearby and tease me for being scared. Whenever I rode too far ahead, both of them would follow behind, terrified I'd fall off. I always thought that no matter how much time passed, they'd always be right behind me. But now, I wasn't so sure anymore. After dinner, the four-person group chat lit up. Irene couldn't decide which riding outfit to wear tomorrow. She sent photo after photo. Victor and Alex had completely opposite opinions. They went back and forth for dozens of messages arguing about which one suited her better. Finally Irene sent a voice message, fed up. "What are you two even arguing about? I sent those for her to pick, not for you guys to fight over!" A second later, she sent me a private message. "Lilith, you're not actually mad at me, right?" "I swear I won't leave you alone outside ever again." Alex quickly replied on my behalf in the group. "She's fine. She's not gonna hold a grudge." "The training was supposed to help her learn to handle things on her own." "She got herself home. If anything, she should be thanking Irene." That did the trick. Irene relaxed. Then she started pushing me to pick an outfit. Before I could say a word, Alex had already sent one of the photos separately. "The black one's nice. She used to wear something like that when she rode. Should work." Victor shot back immediately. "Black's boring. Silver-grey looks way better on her." They started arguing again. I stared at my phone screen and suddenly asked one question. "When did you guys go try these on?" The chat went quiet for two seconds. Victor was mid-typing. He answered without even looking up, almost on reflex. "Last week." "At that club on Fifth Avenue. Weren't you there too?" Chapter 3 I froze for a few seconds. Then I realized how ridiculous my own question was. That day on Fifth Avenue, I'd only stepped around the corner to grab a coffee. When I came back, all three of them were gone. So while I was wandering unfamiliar streets for hours, texting and calling and getting no reply from any of them, they were at a private club helping Irene pick out riding outfits. It wasn't that they didn't see my messages. They just didn't think of me. Victor finally realized he'd said too much. His hand froze mid-scroll, and for the first time, he looked uncomfortable. "Wait, no. I'm mixing things up." "You weren't there that day." Like he was afraid I'd keep asking, he quickly added: "I was gonna call you, but that place was mostly for Irene to try stuff on. Figured you wouldn't care." I looked at him quietly. In that moment, I didn't even know what I was hoping for. For him to realize he'd made a mistake? Or for him to suddenly remember that maybe I'd want to go shopping with them too? Victor reached out to ruffle my hair. I turned my face away. His hand hung in the air. "You're upset?" "I'll take you next time. Just us." "Anything you want, it's yours." I looked down at my phone. Didn't answer. She must have waited too long, because Irene video-called me directly from the group chat. I didn't pick up. Victor answered for me and immediately held the phone in front of my face. On screen, Irene was holding up two riding outfits, grinning with anticipation. "Lilith, come on! Just pick one for me!" "Which one's better for tomorrow?" Victor leaned in and whispered. "Just pick." "If you don't, she's gonna overthink it and be up all night." I heard that and almost wanted to laugh. How strange. I was the one who got left behind. Not a single person asked if I was scared. But now everyone was worried that she might feel bad because I wasn't talking. I looked at the screen and said softly: "They both look great." "Just go with whatever you want." Irene immediately complained that I was being too lazy about it. I couldn't be bothered to explain. The next day, the family's private horse ranch officially opened. When we met at the entrance, Irene was wearing the silver-grey riding outfit Alex had picked for her. She stood out in the crowd like a spotlight was on her. The silver-grey fit hugged her figure. Her hair was pulled back. She looked sharp, polished, beautiful. Alex clearly paused when he saw her. Victor's gaze lingered on her for a beat too. Irene just smiled and did a little spin. "How do I look?" They both nodded at almost the exact same time. In that moment, something heavy pressed down on my chest. The two people who'd spent all of yesterday arguing over which outfit suited her best were now perfectly in sync. Like they'd rehearsed it. Irene didn't seem to notice a thing. She hooked her arm through mine and shooed Victor and Alex away to check the horses. "Let them deal with that. We'll take our time." She leaned her head on my shoulder, completely unguarded. "Knew you wouldn't stay mad at me." "We're best friends." I smiled too. I just didn't tell her that I wasn't sure I could believe that anymore. The horses were ready in the center of the ranch. Irene picked a brown warmblood. The second she walked over, Alex was right behind her checking the saddle. Victor stood beside them inspecting the reins and gear. Then the two of them started arguing again about who would teach her to ride. Alex glanced at the field. "You're her brother. Go ride with Lilith." Victor, cold-faced: "It's Irene's first time. I should be the one with her." They argued right there in front of everyone. The line behind them got longer. People started getting restless. "You guys riding or what?" "Take it somewhere else if you're gonna fight. You're holding everyone up!" In the end, both of them said the same thing at the exact same time. "I'm not going with him." But a few minutes later, they were both flanking Irene on her horse anyway. The reason: this way it's easier to look after her. And me? I was left on the other side. Alone. With a black horse and no one beside me. Irene sat on her horse, turned back, and smiled at me. "Lilith, you're so lucky! You get a whole lane to yourself." "I've got these two breathing down my neck. Can't even ride in peace." I didn't feel like responding to that. But the girl standing behind me couldn't help whispering to her boyfriend. "She calls that jealousy?" "Because that sounded a lot more like showing off to me." The boy whispered back. "What do you mean?" The girl gave him a look. "Seriously? If you still can't see it, I don't know what to do with you." "She's not jealous of the girl named Lilith." "She's making sure everyone sees that both those guys are fighting over her." My grip on the reins tightened hard. The horse must have felt it. It tossed its head, uneasy. But I just lowered my eyes and slowly stroked its mane. So that's how obvious it looked to everyone else. And I was the last one to see it. I always thought they hovered over me because of my sense of direction. That they were worried I'd get lost. I always told myself they kept Irene in the middle because she was new to our world and needed extra care. But standing on the outside looking in, I finally saw it. All those reasons were just excuses I'd made up for them. They weren't worried about Irene getting lost. They just wanted to walk with her. They weren't afraid she'd get hurt. They just couldn't stand the thought of her being alone. And me? Even if I actually fell off the horse, no one would turn around first. The wind swept over the field and blew my hair loose. I swung onto the horse, gripped the reins, and rode out fast. The wind roared past my ears. Hooves hit the grass. And the weight that had been sitting on my chest for so long finally started to lift. At least right now, I didn't need anyone beside me. Chapter 4 I finished a full lap around the field and pulled the reins to slow the horse down. Applause from the distance. The old stable hand was leaning against the fence, nodding at me with a smile. "Nice riding." I was about to thank him when I looked up and saw the three of them still huddled together on the other side. They hadn't even noticed I'd completed a lap. The old man followed my gaze and seemed to understand something. "All by yourself, miss?" "Want me to have my kid ride with you? One more lap?" "He grew up out here. Knows this place inside and out. Good rider too." I blinked. Then shook my head with a smile. "No thanks. I like being alone." I took the horse and walked toward the other side of the field. I left the ranch by myself, pulled out my phone, and called a car. Before, I probably would have stood there calling them nonstop until I figured out where they went. But this time, I suddenly realized that without them, I could get home just fine on my own. My father happened to be home. When he saw me walk in alone, he looked surprised. "Back already? Where's everyone else?" I didn't answer. I just walked over and leaned against his shoulder. "Dad, I want to go to the European division for a while." "Can I?" He barely hesitated. "Of course." "You're young. Go see the world." He smiled and patted my shoulder. "As long as Victor's with you, I'm not worried." I shook my head. "Victor's not coming." "We're all grown up. He's got his own stuff going on." "I can't ask him to drop everything just because I want to go." The smile on my father's face slowly faded. "But you've never left New York on your own." "Europe, out of nowhere, by yourself? How am I supposed to be okay with that?" I quickly reassured him. "I won't be totally alone. Other people from the academy are going too." "I've already set things up with someone to travel with." He hesitated for a long time. Finally nodded. "Just be careful." That evening, Victor came home. The second he walked in, he frowned. "Lilith, we just went to grab something. Why'd you leave without saying anything?" I was at my desk filling out the application for the European division. I didn't look up. "Waited too long. So I left." He seemed to sense something was off but didn't push. After I submitted everything, I opened the family group chat. Dozens of new messages had already piled up. They were planning a trip to the Italian branch next week. Who would drive. Which estate to stay in. What gear to bring. They'd even picked out which local restaurant was worth going to. I stared at the screen for a long time, then slowly typed a message. "You guys are going to Italy?" The chat went quiet for two seconds. Then, from downstairs, I heard Victor swear under his breath. The next second, he barged into my room. "Crap. We grabbed three travel passes this afternoon." "You weren't there. We totally forgot to save you one. Let me call the manager and get another." Irene's voice message came through at that exact moment. "Don't bother. There's no room left." "All three went to us." "It's those two idiots' fault. They were going back and forth about the route the whole time, and I completely forgot about Lilith." The chat exploded again. I watched the arguments pile up and suddenly felt so, so tired. "It's fine. You guys go." "I'm not really in the mood to go anywhere lately." Victor visibly relaxed. "Probably better. Italy's been a mess lately. Not really your scene." Then he smiled and added: "I'll bring you something back." That night, I read the confirmation email from the European division over and over again. The next day, they left for Italy. I'd booked a ticket for the same day. Before leaving, Victor stood in the doorway giving me instructions. "Don't touch the security system." "Lock up at night." "Let the staff do the cooking. Stay out of the kitchen." Alex came down the stairs with a lazy smile. "You keep doing the big brother thing. I'm gonna go get Irene." Victor's face darkened for a flash, but he still followed him out. I stood on the second floor and watched their car pull out of the estate. I waited until the taillights disappeared completely before I turned back to my room. A few minutes later, a black suitcase was dragged out from under my bed. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't look back. This time, I wasn't being left behind. This time, I chose to leave. Leave New York. Leave the home I'd lived in for twenty years. And leave the three people whose world stopped having room for me a long time ago. I finally didn't have to keep trying to prove I was part of their family. I didn't have to stand next to them anymore, pretending I hadn't been forgotten. From now on, their world of three would never again have a fourth person in the way. Chapter 5 On the way to the airport, my father called me personally. It was loud on his end. He was still at the New York headquarters dealing with family business. I could make out people briefing him about the port and the casino. He went quiet for a few seconds before lowering his voice. "Lilith, you're really going through with this?" "Yeah." "I probably can't make it to see you off today." There was real guilt in his voice. "Don't try to tough things out over there. The European division is our territory, but it's not New York. If anything comes up, go to our people first. If you need money, if you need anything, just tell me." I held the phone, and my eyes stung for no reason. He'd already gone through all of this with me the night before. More than once. He even had someone put together a file on which streets near the European division weren't safe. "I know." "And one more thing." He paused. His voice went soft. "If you really can't get used to it, come home. New York will always be your home." I lowered my head and murmured a quiet yes. After I hung up, I watched the city slide past outside the car window. For the first time, the place I'd lived in for twenty years felt like it could become unfamiliar this quickly. My phone buzzed. In the family group chat, Alex had posted a photo. Irene was sitting in the center of a private jet's sofa. Victor and Alex on either side of her. Champagne and a freshly served meal spread out in front of the three of them. Alex had tagged me. [European division trip is finally set.] Irene followed up right away. [Lilith, we saved you a seat! Too bad you didn't wanna come.] I stared at the photo for a few seconds. The seat they'd "saved" for me was a window spot next to Irene. Every time the family went out on a job, they'd stick me on the edge. Not because there wasn't room anywhere else, but because they figured I couldn't find my way or handle things on my own. Safest if I stayed in the back. I'd laughed about it before. Asked why I couldn't sit in the middle with them. Alex would pat my head and say next time, for sure. Victor would just laugh. "Does it matter where you sit? Quit being picky." I actually believed them. For years. It wasn't until now that I realized they never lacked a spot for me. That spot just never mattered that much. Irene posted another photo. [The seaside estate in Europe is booked! Apparently there's a private harbor nearby!] Alex and Victor's replies came instantly. [Whatever makes you happy.] [I'll take you when we get there.] I didn't scroll any further. I turned off my phone. A few hours later, the plane landed at the private airstrip of the Sicilian division. The moment I stepped out, a young woman in a dark suit waved at me. "Lilith?" I nodded. "I'm Sienna. Castillo family." She smiled and grabbed my luggage. "Our families have a partnership at the southern port. Your father gave me a heads-up. I'll be looking after you while you're here." I told her she didn't have to go to the trouble. She was already dragging my suitcase toward the car. "Come on. I'll take you to the division first." "Fair warning though, my sense of direction isn't great either." I blinked. She looked back at me and grinned. "So if we both get lost, don't blame me." I couldn't help laughing. That was the first time since arriving in Europe that I actually felt relaxed. After settling in at the division, I realized this place was nothing like New York. Nobody treated me like a princess who needed protecting. Nobody assumed everything should be arranged for me just because I was Alex's fiancée. Sienna just spread the division map out in front of me. "Here's the dock. Over here's the warehouse. Casino's in the old town. Family safe house is at the foot of the hill." "Memorize it." I stared at her. She handed me a pen. "If you can't remember it all, that's fine. Walk it a few times and it'll stick." I looked down at the map, and something I couldn't name stirred inside me. So this is what it looks like when someone teaches you to find your way. Not by dumping you in an unfamiliar neighborhood and waiting from a distance for you to stumble back. But by standing next to you and telling you which way to turn.