第1章
While we were camping on a mountaintop, Olivia Parker—the childhood best friend of my fiancé, Ethan Hayes—deliberately shook a torn duck-down pillow all over my tent.
I was having a hereditary angioedema attack. I collapsed, convulsing as I desperately shook my emergency pills out of the bottle and swallowed them.
But there was no bitterness in my mouth. Just strawberry Pop Rocks, crackling and exploding across my tongue.
Olivia was curled up in Ethan's arms, waving the candy pouch, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.
"Ethan, look at her! She eats a piece of candy and her eyes roll back in her head like she's dying. What an actress!"
"I just replaced her pills with these to mess with her a little, and she actually peed herself. God, can't she take a joke?"
Ethan frowned and tossed a sleeping bag onto me. "Natalie, do you have to ruin the whole weekend for everyone?"
"It was a joke. Why do you always have to give her a hard time?"
"So she swapped out a few pills. And you're really going to lie there and play dead? Get up. Nobody's got time for the performance."
He put his arm around Olivia and walked her to the cliff's edge to watch the sunrise. He didn't look back at me once.
I was close to death when a hiker from the next tent over rushed me to the ER that night.
At dawn, Ethan sent me a photo of the two of them, fingers laced together, facing the sunrise.
"Done putting on a show all night? Get back here and apologize to Olivia."
I looked at the needle marks and bruises covering my arm.
Then I calmly called the wedding planner.
"Next month's wedding. Cancel it."
...
After I hung up, I stared at the white ceiling of the ER for a long time.
My phone buzzed again and again.
In the camping group chat, Ethan had posted a video.
Olivia, wrapped in his shell jacket, sat outside the tent brewing coffee.
Ethan stood behind her, pulling her hood tighter.
They clinked mugs as the sun rose. Their friends cheered, joking that anyone who didn't know better would think they were on their honeymoon.
Underneath the video, Ethan fired off three messages in a row.
[Natalie, after the scene you caused last night, Olivia had a panic attack.]
[She was outside the tent gasping for almost twenty minutes. Her hands shook so bad she couldn't even hold a cup of water.]
[She's been crying all morning. Happy now?]
Olivia followed it up with a crying emoji.
[It's all my fault. I thought they were just regular pills, so I swapped in candy as a joke.]
[Natalie, if you don't want me around Ethan, I'll stop coming.]
Someone in the group jumped in fast.
[Natalie, you're blowing this way out of proportion. Olivia grew up with nobody looking out for her. You know she's been in a bad place lately. Can't you cut her some slack?]
[Wasn't she still crawling around on her own last night? Now she's saying she ended up in the ER? Just to get Ethan to come back and be with her?]
I opened MyChart. The diagnosis page had updated.
Hereditary angioedema, acute laryngeal attack. Below it were my oxygen saturation readings. The lowest was 78%.
I had the screenshot picked out, finger hovering over send, when Ethan's DM came through first.
[Don't post your medical records in the group. Olivia can't handle that right now. Record a video apology, say last night was a misunderstanding, and we'll drop it.]
My finger stopped.
Last month, at my dress fitting, Olivia "accidentally" dumped an entire glass of red wine down my wedding gown.
I stood in front of the mirror and watched the wine bleed down the white fabric.
Before I could even open my mouth, Ethan had his jacket off and wrapped around Olivia.
He never asked whether the broken glass had cut me. All he said was, "We can order another dress. Don't scare Olivia."
The engagement party was the same.
Olivia got drunk, shut off her phone, and vanished.
Ethan opened the app they used to share their locations, checked her last known location, and walked out on the guests.
I stayed behind alone, explaining to both sets of parents and all our friends why he'd suddenly left. Apologizing for him.
He didn't come back until two in the morning, carrying a sleeping Olivia.
The next day, he handed me a little blue Tiffany box.
"Natalie, she's sick. You've always been so understanding. Can't you cut her some slack?"
As if Olivia's feelings always had to come before mine.
I decided not to send the screenshot and left the camping group chat.
Less than a minute later, Ethan called.
"Natalie, what's the deal with you leaving the group chat? The wedding's almost here and you want to start something now?"
"So Olivia threw out a few of your pills. Is that really worth all this?"
Laughter came through on his end, and the sound of lake water slapping the shore.
They were still out there having fun.
And I was lying in a hospital bed where breathing hurt.
"Ethan." My voice was a rasp. I cut him off. "She replaced my emergency medication with candy. Do you understand that?"
The line went quiet for a second.
"You're fine now, aren't you? Olivia was joking. She wasn't trying to hurt you."
That line again.
She didn't mean it.
Which meant no matter what she did, I was supposed to let it go.
"Ow… Ethan, it really hurts…"
Olivia's voice came through the speaker.
Ethan's tone changed instantly.
"What happened? Did you step on a rock? Let me see."
Then, to me: "Olivia cut her foot. I need to take care of it. Stay at the hospital. I'll come by this afternoon."
The line went dead.
I held the phone to my ear after the call ended, staring at the morning light outside the window, then let out a breath.
Something that had been pressing on my chest for three years finally lifted.
I opened my email and found the formal offer from the magazine's Paris office.
I replied: "I accept."
第2章
I opened Facebook Marketplace and listed the watch I'd bought as Ethan's wedding gift.
I'd paid twenty-five thousand dollars for it. I listed it for one.
Within ten minutes, a buyer messaged me.
[$1? Is this for real? What's wrong with it?]
I looked at the card I'd handwritten and tucked into the watch box.
I want to watch every sunrise with you.
I tore the card in half and dropped it in the trash.
I typed back:
[Wedding's off. No point keeping garbage around.]
The doctors wanted me to stay for observation.
But my passport was back at the apartment.
Ethan's promised "I'll come by this afternoon" never materialized, not even after dark.
I signed the AMA discharge forms and went home.
As luck would have it, the building was doing electrical work, and the whole place had lost power.
I unlocked the door and a wall of stale heat hit me in the face. The apartment was an oven somebody had sealed shut.
With the power out, the water was out too.
I found my backup pill case in the dark. Empty.
The week before, CVS had sent me three texts reminding me to pick up my prescription.
I'd forwarded them to Ethan. He was picking out a sleeping bag for Olivia at the time and casually said he'd pick up my prescription.
The prescription was never picked up.
That night, I developed a high fever.
I sat on the floor wrapped in a blanket. The ear thermometer read 104°F.
Every breath hurt.
I made my way to the door with one hand against the wall for support. Then my legs gave out, and I slid to the floor.
In my phone's Medical ID, Ethan was still my first emergency contact.
I called.
"Ethan, I need you to get me medicine..."
Olivia answered.
"Crying wolf again, Natalie? Seriously?"
Deafening music from the party blared in the background.
"Last night you faked a seizure. Tonight you're faking a fever. You really can't stand Ethan spending time with me, can you?"
I dragged in a breath. "Put him on."
A few seconds later Ethan took the phone, impatient.
"Natalie, what now?"
"I'm running a high fever, and I'm out of backup meds. My fever medicine is locked in the package locker downstairs, and I can't open it with the power out. Please buy some at the pharmacy and bring it home…"
He laughed, short and cold.
"You know exactly where the pills are and where you want me to go. You don't sound like you're dying."
"I don't have the strength to get downstairs..."
"Then have it delivered. You need me to come all the way home for this?"
"The keypad downstairs is dead. Delivery can't get in. The elevator's out too."
I was gulping air, black spots swimming across my vision. "I really... can't walk."
Ethan went silent for two seconds.
"Fine. I'll ask the building superintendent if he can pick it up for you. Don't move around. I'll be there in a—"
Crash.
A glass shattered on his end, followed by Olivia's yelp.
"Ethan, I'm so dizzy..."
The rest of "I'll be there in a while" died in his throat.
"Olivia might have a fever. I have to get her to the ER. Just drink some water."
"The water's shut off, Ethan."
"Do you have to argue with me about everything?"
His patience snapped, his voice turning cold. "If it's that serious, call 911. Stop expecting me to leave her and come running every time you feel a little sick. I'm sick of it."
"Ethan."
I spent the last of my strength on his name.
"So no matter what happens, you'll always choose Olivia first. Is that it?"
Silence on the line.
Then Olivia's wounded little voice slipped in.
"Ethan, is Natalie mad? You should go. I can get myself to the hospital..."
"Forget her. She'll be fine in a bit."
Then, to me:
"Natalie, I'll come back when you're done making a scene."
The line went dead.
I stared at the dark screen, and every feeling inside me just... dissolved.
My hand shook as I pulled up the keypad and typed 911.
My finger never reached the call button. The world went black.
第3章
When I opened my eyes again, there was a white hospital ceiling above me.
An oxygen mask covered my face. Beside the bed stood a man in a faded Patagonia jacket.
The hiker from the mountain. The one who'd driven me to the ER.
"I'm Adrian Cole."
"The power was out last night, so I took the stairs. I heard someone fall inside your unit. Knocked, got nothing, so I called 911 and had the building superintendent open the door."
He paused.
"I'm in unit B. Moved in last week."
He volunteered with mountain search and rescue and worked as a paramedic for the city's EMS.
He'd found me both times I'd been at my most helpless, closest to death.
I opened my mouth, but my throat was so dry that all I could manage was a hoarse whisper.
Adrian picked up the cup from the bedside table and brought the straw to my lips.
"Don't talk yet. You're safe now."
Then he added one more thing.
"The hospital called the emergency contact in your phone four times. Nobody picked up. So the nurse wrote down my number instead."
The next evening, after a full day of radio silence, Ethan finally showed.
I found out later that Olivia had been fine that night. They'd gone back to her apartment.
She came in glued to his side, carrying a lemonade loaded with ice.
"Natalie, I heard you were back in the hospital. I bought this just for you. Don't be mad anymore, okay?"
She smiled and started to set the cup on the nightstand.
Adrian's hand came up and blocked it. His voice was flat.
"Her airway is still swollen. The doctor said nothing cold. Take it away."
Ethan's face darkened.
He looked at me. "Who the hell is this?"
"The man who saved her life last night," Adrian said.
The room went quiet.
Ethan scoffed.
"The swelling thing again? Last time it cleared up on its own."
"Natalie, two ER trips in two days, and now you've got some guy here playing along?"
"I don't have time for your jealous little games."
I unlocked my phone, pulled up the MyChart diagnosis page, and held it out.
The doctor said I hadn't recovered when I left the hospital, and now I had a lung infection too.
Ethan glanced at it.
"You know your health is bad. Would it have killed you to call me earlier and talk like a normal person? Did you have to let it get this far?"
My fists clenched.
The first time I'd ever had an attack, he'd stayed up with me in the hospital all night.
He'd logged everything in his phone — how to use my emergency meds, when to get me to a hospital. He'd even set reminders for the expiration dates.
He said he'd never let me face an attack alone again.
So forever came with a shelf life. Three years.
When I didn't say anything, he came over and pulled my blanket up for me.
I knew that movement too well.
Back in college, we went climbing on a snow-covered mountain.
I rolled my ankle halfway up and then altitude sickness set in.
He carried me on his back half a mile through the snow at four below, until he found a shelter hut.
By the time we reached the hut, the trekking pole had rubbed the skin between his thumb and forefinger raw and bloody. But he took off his jacket to wrap around me first, then tucked a blanket around me.
"Natalie, stop trying to tough it out. Nothing is worth more than your life."
Now he tucked the blanket around me the same way, but this time he said:
"All right. We're dropping this. When you're discharged, you'll post an apology to Olivia in the group. One line. That's all."
I looked at that familiar face and felt nothing but nausea.
I reached down, pulled the blanket back out from where he'd tucked it, and forced the words out.
"Ethan. We're done."
第4章
Ethan stared at me for a few seconds, as if I'd just told him a joke.
"Break up? You want to cancel the wedding?"
His brows pulled tight, impatience coming off him in waves.
"The invitations are out. We've paid deposits on the venue and the photographer. And now you're canceling?"
"What am I supposed to tell my parents? All our guests?"
I looked at him, and the words wouldn't come.
Because for one second there, I'd still been waiting.
Waiting for him to explain. To ask me to stay. Or at the very least to ask why I was leaving.
But what he cared about was the money and the explanations he'd owe other people.
Olivia tugged on his sleeve.
"Ethan, she's still upset. Don't fight with her."
Her eyes went red.
"It's all my fault. I'll step back, okay? I shouldn't be standing between you two."
She leaned into his chest, looking hurt.
Ethan took her hand and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"You hear that? She's already willing to back off. Fine. I won't go to Miami with Olivia either. Satisfied now?"
"All this noise you've been making — it's about getting me to cancel the trip, isn't it?"
Suddenly I wanted to laugh.
The old me would have explained.
I would have told him it wasn't just about the trip.
But now even explaining was too much work.
"We're done."
Ethan's face hardened.
"Natalie. Quit playing."
I knew that every time I'd backed down first, I'd only made him more certain I would never leave.
But this time, I was exhausted.
"I'm serious. I'll cover the cancellation costs."
"Fine."
He was quiet for two seconds, then let out a short, ugly laugh.
"I wasn't the one pushing to get married for three years. You want to cancel? Be my guest."
He grabbed his jacket, put his arm around Olivia, and slammed the door on his way out.
Once the door closed, I picked up my phone and messaged my realtor.
[The house we were going to move into after the wedding — I don't want it. List it as soon as you can.]
For the next several days, Ethan didn't come back.
I knew what he was doing. He was waiting for me to fold.
Waiting for me to reach out like I always did and coax him back.
I didn't want to anymore.
I'd just booked my flight to Europe when Jason Reed — one of Ethan's friends since childhood — messaged me.
[Natalie, Ethan got in a fight protecting Olivia. His head's split open. These guys won't let him leave. You need to get down here, he's in real trouble this time.]
[Olivia's already had a second panic attack. Whatever's going on between you two, can you please just get here?]
I opened Olivia's Instagram.
One story, posted two minutes earlier.
A dim bar booth, music pounding.
Ethan had a Band-Aid on his forehead and was laughing, glass raised. Olivia was tucked against his shoulder, making a heart at the camera.
Jason's voice came from off-camera:
"When Natalie gets here, nobody crack up and blow it."
The whole "fight" was a setup to get me through the door.