You Always Had Time, Just Never for Me

Julian always said you needed a plan. He never agreed to anything at the last minute. His schedule was set six months in advance. Once something went into his navy leather planner, no one could change it. After six years of long distance, I was used to waiting my turn. On my birthday, he had an experiment to run. I sat alone with my cake until midnight. When a car accident left me with twelve stitches in my forehead, he had to accompany Professor Brennan to a conference in Washington. He never even came to the hospital. Everyone told me to be understanding. Only Nora, my college roommate, held me and raged on my behalf. "Elise, stop letting him off so easily. If he ever puts you last again, I'll make him regret it!" For our anniversary that year, I reserved three days in his planner six months ahead of time. I secretly bought a ring, planning to travel to his city and propose. But before I left, he sent me a message. "Professor Brennan called a last-minute meeting. Our plans are canceled. Next time, Elise." Then I spotted Nora in the reflection on the glass in his photo of the meeting room. I flew there that night. At the end of the institute's hallway, Julian was crouched in front of her, tying her shoelaces. That was when I understood. His plans could change. I had just never been worth changing them for. If there was never room for me in his plans, I didn't need a place in the rest of his life, either. ... The motion-sensor lights came on one by one along the hallway. Julian looked up and froze when he saw me. A moment later, he was in front of me, taking my hands. "Why are your hands so cold? The temperature drops at night. You never remember to wear enough." His voice was as gentle as ever. Then he frowned. "I told you today was canceled, didn't I? Why come all this way by yourself?" Nora drew her foot back. "Elise, if I'd known you were coming, I wouldn't have bothered Julian." Her smile was a little awkward. I looked at Julian. "I called. You didn't answer." "My phone was on silent for the meeting." He adjusted my scarf. "You could've texted when you got here. Why come all the way to the institute? Now I have to worry about you." I glanced down at Nora's neatly tied laces. "When did the meeting end?" "Ten, fifteen minutes ago." "So you had time for her, but no time to check your phone?" Nora rushed to explain. "Elise, please don't get the wrong idea. There was a last-minute problem with the apartment, and my shoelace came undone. Julian insisted on helping, but I could've done it myself." "Why are you apologizing for something so trivial?" Julian asked mildly. Then he looked at me. "She just got here. She doesn't know anyone. Of course I'm going to help." Back in college, when Julian first canceled on my birthday, Nora had been angrier than anyone. "He can be busy all he wants," she'd said. "Why does his girlfriend always have to be the one waiting?" Now she was the reason he'd canceled on me. "When did you transfer here?" "This month. For a joint project." I turned to Julian. "You already knew?" "Why didn't you tell me?" He ruffled my hair. "I was going to tell you when you came. Are you going to get upset over this, too?" I took a step back. "So you actually canceled today for her?" Nora quickly tugged his sleeve. "Julian, why don't you stay with Elise? I'll be fine on my own. I can keep looking for an apartment tomorrow." Julian's frown deepened. "You have to be in the lab at eight tomorrow morning, and you still haven't found a place. You can't keep living in a hotel." Then he took my hand. "Elise, come on. It's her first time here. She only needs help for a couple of days." "I'll pick you up at the hotel at seven tomorrow and bring cinnamon rolls from that place you love. How does that sound?" A question slipped out. "What about the first time I came here?" He paused. "Four years ago, I got to Central Station at eleven at night. You told me to use the map on my phone." I'd dragged two suitcases around for over an hour that night. Later, he'd told me the regular lab meeting was already scheduled. No one could change it at the last minute. Julian was quiet for two seconds, then gave me a helpless smile. "Baby, how long ago was that?" He squeezed my fingers. "I know I wasn't good to you back then. Haven't I been trying to do better?" He was doing better. Just not for me. He walked me to the elevator. "Go back to the hotel. I'll come find you once Nora's settled." "Elise, do you want to come with us?" Nora asked softly. Julian answered for me. "She's tired. I'll get her a car." Before the elevator doors closed, I saw him holding the door-open button for Nora, making sure the doors wouldn't close on her. He had patience for people. I had just never been one of them. Back at the hotel, I took the black ring box from the bottom of my suitcase. Two letters were engraved inside the band: E and J, with a tiny ampersand between them. E for Elise. J for Julian. I'd planned to slip it onto his finger myself the next day. But that night, I suddenly stopped looking forward to tomorrow.