Too Late to Love Me

I was a two-hundred-pound plus-size girl, hopelessly in love with the effortlessly handsome Julian. I had confessed my feelings to him ninety-nine times. Every single time, he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and asked me to wait. It hurt, but I agreed anyway. One evening, I dialed my best friend's number, needing a shoulder to cry on. To my shock, the voice that answered belonged to Julian—ten years in the future. "Julian? Are we together ten years from now? Do you still hate me as much as you do today?" A heavy silence lingered on the other end of the line. When he finally spoke, his voice cracked with tears: "No... I loved you for ten years. I stood there and watched you marry another man and have kids. You were the one who walked away from me..." His voice was thick with accusation, as if I were the heartbreaker. I froze on the spot, my ears ringing. Yet when I walked back to the beach bonfire, I overheard Chloe asking Julian: "Summer has confessed to you so many times. Don't you feel anything for her at all?" Julian let out a scornful scoff. "A fat girl like her really thinks she deserves my love?" The sneer on his face clashed violently with the broken, trembling voice from the call. In that single instant, every ounce of my obsession with him completely vanished. Julian leaned in closer, deliberately asking Chloe: "Forget about Summer for a second. What about you? There's no way you don't know how I feel about you." Chloe playfully pushed his chest away, her cheeks blushing. "I just can't shake the feeling you don't really like me. You and Summer have known each other for years, and I only just showed up. How much of your heart can I actually trust?" It was a scene I knew all too well. Just like the countless times I poured my heart out to Julian, only to be cold-shouldered. Our circle always saw us as an open secret of a love triangle. I loved him, but he loved her. Julian sighed, looking annoyed. "Look at her, and then look at yourself. Why does everyone assume that just because the chubby girl likes me, I'm obligated to like her back?" Chloe was the neighborhood's undisputed beauty queen. And me? I weighed two hundred pounds. "Pretty" was a word no one ever used to describe me. Back then, I misread Julian's intentions. Whenever he ruffled my hair, grinning and telling me how adorable I was, I genuinely thought he liked me back. So, I gathered all my courage and confessed to him. He had been surrounded by his friends, all of them wearing teasing smirks: "Hey, Julian, your favorite chubby girl is laying her heart out. Hurry up and say yes!" "Sure, you two look mismatched, but love is love, right guys?" I watched the initial spark of joy in Julian's eyes instantly die. His expression turned deeply embarrassed. His lips parted, hesitating, before he finally forced out: "I'm sorry, Summer. You're just not my type." He turned and walked away without looking back once. He had never done that before. He used to match my pace side by side, or walk right behind me, his eyes gleaming as he said: "There are only two ways this goes for us: we walk together, or I stay right behind you so you'll see me the second you turn around." Back then, life felt so gentle and full of promise. I truly believed we had a future together. I never anticipated Chloe would enter his life. Nor did I ever imagine that, deep down, this was how Julian truly viewed me. Chloe blushed, playing hard to get. "Summer just confessed to you. If I say yes right now, wouldn't that make me awful? Give me a little more time, Julian. Maybe this is just a rush of adrenaline because of how I look. I want you to love me for who I actually am..." She pushed him away and ran back inside the bar. Julian lit a cigarette, staring after her silhouette, looking utterly dejected. When he turned around and caught sight of me, his face shifted from shock to irritation. "How long have you been eavesdropping? Why do you always think you know what's best for me? Why do you always have to humiliate me in front of everyone?" He took out the frustration of his failed confession entirely on me. His words felt like jagged glass ripping through my chest. "Is being loved by me really that humiliating to you?" My eyes burned with tears. He had no idea how much thought and courage went into every single confession I gave him. When my parents went through their ugly divorce, he was the one who stayed by my side. He had gripped my hand tightly, promising: "Don't be scared. I'll always be here with you." Through my tears, I had asked him: "How? Will you really stay with me forever?" Julian had nodded earnestly. How could I have guessed that years later, he would stare at me with absolute disgust and say: "Yes. Just having you around me is an absolute embarrassment." He threw those words in my face and stormed off. I stood there alone, feeling as though a bucket of ice water had been dumped over my head, chilling me to the bone. The Julian from ten years in the future had told me: "I've always loved you. I was just too obsessed with my pride back then, too cowardly to face my real feelings. Summer, please don't give up on me so easily. If you can just take one more step toward me, maybe I'll finally find the courage to face the world." Yet in this moment, every shred of my dignity had been obliterated. I didn't have a drop of courage left to love him. With trembling fingers, I dialed a long-distance number: "When are you flying back? I'm ready. Let's be together."After that night, Julian and I went nearly two weeks without seeing each other. Yet my feed was flooded with updates of him and Chloe every single day. Going to theme parks together, catching midnight movie premieres, traveling to the very spots Julian and I had once promised to visit. I couldn't eat or sleep. In half a month, I dropped nearly ten pounds. One afternoon, I ended up at the local clinic on an IV drip due to severe hypoglycemia. Julian's close friend, Leo, called my cell. "Where are you, Summer? Did you seriously forget it's Julian's birthday today?" A lump formed in my throat. In past years, I was always the most eager one planning his birthday. Julian would pull me to the center of the crowd, raise his glass, and look at me with the softest, most adoring eyes as he thanked me. Last year, though, he had his arm wrapped around Chloe the entire night, never sparing me a single glance. Remembering his cruel words on the beach, a lingering ache twisted through my chest. I reflexively declined: "I haven't been feeling well the past couple of days. You guys have fun. I'll drop off his gift later." The phone was suddenly snatched away on the other end, Julian's anxious voice cutting through: "What's wrong with you? Where does it hurt? Why didn't you tell me?" My eyes stung fiercely. Whenever I was sick in the past, he was always the one fretting over me, taking care of every little thing. The truth was, Julian had treated me so well that even when I was no longer his priority, I couldn't find a single valid reason to hate him. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Happy birthday." I hung up first. I had already resolved not to harbor any more expectations. He was the one who said my mere presence brought him shame. I refused to degrade myself any further. Yet to my surprise, twenty minutes later, he barged into my clinic room. He was drenched in sweat, his eyes bloodshot. Julian practically threw himself at the edge of my bed, frantically checking over me from head to toe. Then, his voice cracked with raw panic: "Summer, you're really something, aren't you?! Starving yourself almost to death just to lose weight?!" He was so furious that his hands were trembling. Before I could get a word out, Chloe stepped into the room behind him, offering her sickeningly sweet concern: "Summer, your health comes first. Did you take people's gossip to heart and think Julian didn't want you just because of your weight? Is that why you went on such an extreme diet? Because of this, Julian had to abandon his entire birthday party. He just left all our friends hanging back there." Her underlying blame was unmistakable. Julian heard every word and didn't utter a single syllable to defend me. I swallowed back the explanation I was about to give. Suppressing the storm inside, I looked at them coldly: "Does any of this have anything to do with you two? I never asked you to come." It dawned on me that Julian had a buddy working at this clinic. That had to be how he found me. Seeing my indifferent reaction, Julian's temper flared even harder, his words turning vile: "Why did I come? There are dozens of clinics in town—why didn't you ask yourself why you picked this exact one? Summer, throwing a tantrum and playing the victim won't work every time! If Chloe hadn't pushed me to check on you, I wouldn't have bothered!" The genuine worry in his eyes warped into a vicious attack. "Don't you dare talk to Chloe like that. Let me make this clear right now: it has nothing to do with whether you're fat or skinny. I just don't like you as a person! In my eyes, you don't even compare to a single strand of Chloe's hair!" He sneered that no matter how much weight I lost, he would never look at me, telling me to stop fishing for pity. I hadn't done a single thing, yet they barged in just to tear me apart. My anger slowly drained away, leaving behind a hollow, numbing cold. I closed my eyes for a long moment, then raised my arm and pointed straight at the door: "Are you done? If you're done, please leave." I was so exhausted. Chasing him for years had drained me, but being misunderstood and forced to explain myself was unbearable. Julian glared at me in sheer disbelief. "Are you serious, Summer? If I walk out that door today, I'm never checking on you again!" He assumed I would panic. Instead, I met his gaze and whispered: "That would be a relief."Julian grabbed Chloe's hand and slammed the door shut on his way out. That very night, they made their relationship official on Instagram. A photo of them kissing on a Ferris wheel, captioned by Julian: One second past midnight, and my wish finally came true. A hollow ache opened up in my chest, but I still tapped the screen to leave a like and wished them well. When my IV bag ran dry and I stepped outside the clinic, Leo suddenly intercepted me at the entrance. He grabbed my arm: "What the hell is going on between you two? Julian was having a full-blown panic attack before he got here. How did he end up dating Chloe right after?" If ninety-nine percent of the world thought Julian and I didn't belong together, Leo was that remaining one percent. Hearing him bring it up only made the suffocating pain worse. "How should I know? I came here for an IV drip because I felt sick. How did that offend anyone? If they want to date, fine! Why do they have to come and ruin my day?" My voice cracked. It wasn't just about tonight; it was about all the years we had shared. Julian and I used to mean the world to each other. How did we end up like strangers tearing each other apart? I couldn't comprehend it. Leo was stubborn, tugging me toward his car: "You two are just being impossibly pig-headed. All I know is that if he really settles down with Chloe, both of you are going to regret it for the rest of your lives!" He insisted I needed to hash things out with Julian face-to-face. "I grew up with the guy! Do you think I don't know what's in his head? He's just being an idiot right now. We can't just give up on him!" He sped down the street, and before I could fully process it, the car pulled up in front of Julian's condo. I knew this place like the back of my hand. So many of my belongings were scattered inside. My slippers, my pajamas, my plushies. Even the quirky, cute little decorations around the apartment were things I had personally picked out. Julian used to tease me endlessly: "Leaving all your stuff in my place... what if a girl who has a crush on me sees it and gets the wrong idea?" Back then, I thought he was completely dense, mad that he couldn't see my feelings, and gave him the silent treatment all afternoon. By evening, he came home carrying my favorite bakery cupcakes, looking at me with an apologetic grin: "No matter how mad you are, you still have to eat. I was just messing with you. I won't ever bring other girls home. You're the only one allowed here." He had fed me a bite himself, gently pinching my soft cheeks: "Eat up. These cheeks are my absolute treasure. If you lose an ounce, I'm holding you responsible!" I had burst into laughter. Because of him, I had never once felt insecure about my body. Yet now, also because of him, the bright, confident girl I used to be had dwindled into someone deeply ashamed of her weight. Leo opened the car door for me. Under the glow of the streetlamp, he took a good look at me and gasped: "Holy crap, Summer, how did you drop so much weight so fast? No wonder Julian always called you cute—lose a little bit more and you're straight-up gorgeous!" Though he was joking, he didn't lose sight of why we were there. "Julian's all bark and no bite. In all the years I've known him, I've barely been invited here, let alone other girls. You're the only exception. The first time I saw how girly his place was decorated, I teased him for being weird, only to find out you did it all. And between you and me? He keeps your photo in his bedroom. I sneaked a peek once. He cares about you way more than he lets on!" My mind drifted along with his words, my guarded heart softening just a fraction. Leo confidently pressed the doorbell. Instead, a familiar feminine voice drifted out from inside. Then, the door swung open to reveal Chloe holding a large cardboard box. Her attention wasn't on us; she was calling back over her shoulder to Julian: "I'm tossing all this junk out, okay?" A dismissive voice replied from inside: "Do whatever you want." I glanced down at the box. Inside was a jumbled mess of everything I had ever left behind. In that heartbeat, my chest turned entirely, irrevocably hollow.Chloe looked like she had just stepped out of the shower, her hair still damp. My gaze was completely fixed on the box she had discarded near the door. It wasn't until Leo snapped loudly, "What the hell are you doing here?!" that I snapped out of my daze. Hearing the commotion, Julian walked over to the entryway. The moment he saw us, the look on his face was pure chaos. Before he could speak, Chloe slipped her arm through his, greeting us with an easy smile: "I'm his girlfriend. Isn't it totally normal for me to stay the night? If anything, you two showing up without even calling is pretty rude, don't you think?" She turned her eyes on me, her expression dripping with condescension: "You looked so sick back at the clinic, but you're already back on your feet? See, I told Julian you were faking it. Don't take this the wrong way—I'm a girl too, and even though you're my rival, I hate seeing you act so desperate and hurt your own health just to win sympathy." She spoke with righteous confidence, pretending to have my best interests at heart. Yet my eyes were glued to the silk pajamas she was wearing, the blood draining from my face. I lunged forward, grabbing her sleeve: "Why are you wearing my clothes?!" Those were the pure silk pajamas Julian bought for me on his first business trip abroad with his first real paycheck. I had cherished them so much I never dared to wear them, enduring his jokes about turning a piece of clothing into an antique. And now, Chloe was wearing them in front of me without a care in the world. Chloe shrieked: "What are you doing?! You're hurting me!" At her scream, Julian instantly grabbed my wrist: "Summer, let go!" Tears spilled over my lashes, impossible to hold back: "Do you have any idea what this outfit means to me?!" I screamed at him. He froze, staring at me in shock, but then muttered coldly: "It's just clothes. What difference does it make who wears it?" His face was emotionless. I refused to let go, the last embers of my warmth dying out. With tears streaming down my face, I asked him: "Did you really never love me? Not even for a single second?" Julian looked away, refusing to answer. Just then, Chloe shoved me hard, sending me stumbling backward off balance. As I tumbled down the entryway steps, I heard Leo and Julian shout at the same time: "Julian, have you lost your damn mind?!" "Summer!" A sharp pain flared as my thigh scraped hard against the rough concrete, blood immediately trickling down my leg. Julian moved to rush down the steps toward me, but Chloe grabbed his arm: "If you go down there right now, we're over." He froze instantly. That single hesitation shattered my heart into dust. Leo pointed an accusing finger straight at his nose: "Julian, you better pray to God you don't regret this!" Before the words fully left his mouth, a sleek luxury car screeched to a halt right at the curb. The handsome man behind the wheel threw open the door and scrambled out in a panic. The moment his arms wrapped around me to lift me up, he pressed desperate, trembling kisses against my forehead: "Don't be scared. I'm here..." Seeing this, Julian finally snapped and lunged forward. He glared at the man, his face twisting into an ugly snarl: "Who the hell are you?! Put her down!" Ethan turned his head to look at him, his face radiating pure disdain: "Her boyfriend."