Five Years of Being No One

I had been Adrian Black’s mistress for five years, yet I could never compete with the woman he had loved first. The night Serena White returned home, he kissed her passionately beneath a sky full of fireworks. Then he called me “an insignificant nurse.” Five years of devotion had earned me nothing but humiliation. I finally gave up and submitted my resignation. I never expected Adrian to approve it without even reading the applicant’s name. I used to think that one day, he would fall in love with me. But now, our five-year agreement was over. I didn’t want to wait anymore. This time, I was going to disappear from his world completely. Emma Carter POV When the HR department called, I was watering the plants in the living room. Water sprayed from the nozzle onto the broad leaves of the monstera, pattering softly as it slid down. “Ms. Carter, your resignation has been approved.” Ms. Parker from HR sounded surprised and regretful. “Mr. Black approved it through the system. But according to the records, he took less than two seconds to process it. He probably didn’t even open the details and didn’t notice that you were the one resigning. Do you want to… speak to him in person?” My hand paused around the spray bottle. Water droplets slid off the leaves and splattered onto the floor. “No need, Ms. Parker.” My voice was soft but strangely calm. “The approval process is complete. I don’t want to bother Mr. Black.” Ms. Parker immediately grew anxious. “Emma, don’t be foolish! You’ve worked in our emergency department for five whole years. Everyone knows you’re Mr. Black’s most capable assistant. The ER is chaos, and you’ve helped him handle countless emergencies. Whenever he performs a difficult operation, you’re always the surgical nurse he requests. If you suddenly leave and he finds out, he’ll tear the HR department apart! What are you thinking?” I turned and looked across the villa where I had lived for the past five years. Its minimalist black, white, and gray design reflected the man’s cold, refined presence in every corner. This was Adrian Black’s private residence. Other than the housekeeper, I was the only person with access to its fingerprint lock. In everyone else’s eyes, I was Adrian’s favorite subordinate, the assistant he could never do without. But no one knew that at night, inside this villa, I was the woman lying beneath him. “No one in this world is truly indispensable.” I smiled faintly into the phone, though my eyes remained empty. “My parents aren’t in good health, and they keep urging me to settle down. I still have to go home and meet someone. A woman only has so many good years. I need to think about my future. Since Mr. Black has approved my resignation, I’ll complete the handover and leave on schedule in one month.” Hearing the finality in my voice, Ms. Parker could only sigh. “All right. If you’ve made up your mind, I’ll process the paperwork. Honestly, everyone at the hospital is going to miss you.” “Thank you, Ms. Parker. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me these past few years.” After hanging up, I tossed my phone onto the sofa and went to the storage room for a black, twenty-four-inch suitcase. I had lived in this villa for five years. I’d thought I would have left countless traces behind, but when I actually began packing, I realized how pitifully few things belonged to me. My section of the closet took up barely a quarter of the space. Everything was black or white, professional clothes chosen to match his preferred style. On the bathroom counter, my skincare products were neatly arranged in one corner, never crossing the invisible line. In the shoe cabinet, there were only two pairs of flats. I didn’t even own a single pair of slippers that belonged to the woman of the house. Adrian had once frowned and said the fur from fluffy slippers would dirty the carpet. I crouched on the floor and folded my clothes into the suitcase. Other than essential clothing and documents, I threw everything else into a large black trash bag. The designer handbags Adrian had casually bought for me went in. The expensive perfume I had bought to suit his taste went in. In a drawer, I found two thick notebooks filled with his habits, allergies, and dietary preferences. I opened one and let my fingers linger over the dense handwriting for a moment. Then I threw both notebooks away without hesitation. The room slowly emptied. As I stared at the hollow closet, memories came rushing back like floodwaters breaking through a dam. In the silence, they swallowed me whole. Five years earlier, cicadas had screamed from the trees through the heat of summer. As one of the top graduates of my nursing program, I had been assigned to the most prestigious private hospital in the city. On my first day, I ran into Adrian Black in the hallway. He had just taken over the hospital. He was barely thirty, dressed in a perfectly tailored designer suit beneath a crisp white coat. He stood tall, his features carved and striking, gold-rimmed glasses resting on his nose. Everything about him was distant and elegant. He glanced at me only once. His dark eyes held no emotion, yet my heart completely lost control. Every female nurse in the hospital talked about him in private. He was everyone’s dream man. I was no exception. I was simply more persistent—and more willing to work for it—than anyone else. I knew Adrian valued ability above all else. So I practiced inserting IVs, memorized pharmacology, and worked in the most exhausting department in the hospital: emergency medicine. While other people went shopping or dated after work, I stayed in the simulation room practicing how to pass surgical instruments. I worked hard to earn the highest-level emergency nursing certification. With my skills, I advanced step by step until I finally stood beside Adrian at the operating table and became his most trusted assistant. I thought that if I became good enough, if I stayed close enough to him for long enough, one day he would lower his eyes and truly see me. I quietly memorized that he drank his coffee without sugar, that he had a mild seafood allergy, and that after a surgery lasting more than ten hours, he instinctively pressed a hand against his stomach. I was like a tireless sunflower, always turning around the dazzling sun that was Adrian Black, even if the only reward was seeing him more often.Emma Carter POV Everything changed three years ago at a national medical conference. Adrian attended as a special guest. At the dinner that night, several respected veterans in the field took turns drinking with him. Adrian was usually restrained, but he drank far more than usual. By the time the dinner ended, he was unsteady on his feet. As his assistant, I was responsible for getting him back to the hotel. The hotel hallway was covered in thick carpet that swallowed the sound of our footsteps. I supported Adrian’s tall frame, most of his weight pressed against my shoulder. His hot breath brushed my neck, carrying the strong scent of alcohol and the cool cedar fragrance that belonged only to him. “Mr. Black, we’re here. Your key card.” My voice trembled as I opened the door and tried to help him toward the bed. The door clicked shut behind us. Before I could react, Adrian turned around, seized my wrist, and shoved me hard against the cold wall. His rough breathing filled the darkness. He removed his gold-rimmed glasses, and the fire in his black eyes was so intense it seemed capable of burning me alive. “Adrian…” Startled, I called him by his name instead of the respectful “Mr. Black.” That name seemed to flip a switch. The next second, Adrian lowered his head and kissed me roughly. That night was a reckless celebration—the bloody fruit of two years of unrequited love finally ripening. I didn’t push him away. Or maybe I simply couldn’t bear to. Like a devout believer, I sacrificed all my reason and restraint. Through pain and surrender, I held on to the man I had admired for countless nights. I pulled myself out of the memory and looked at the trash bag, now stuffed full. A bitter, self-mocking smile touched my lips. I zipped the suitcase shut. Five years of youth. Five years of lowering myself. In the end, all I could take away was a twenty-four-inch suitcase. I stood and looked at the room one last time—the room that had held so many of my foolish nights. Tomorrow, I would still be the capable Ms. Carter from the emergency department. But in one month, I would disappear from Adrian Black’s world completely, as if I had never existed. The memory of that night had been burning hot. The reality of the next morning was ice-cold. I would never forget that hotel morning three years ago. I woke with a splitting headache, my entire body aching as though I had been crushed beneath a machine. The pain reminded me of what we had done the night before. Sunlight pierced through the gap in the curtains. I reached instinctively toward the other side of the bed and touched nothing but cold sheets. My eyes flew open. Adrian wasn’t in bed. He was already dressed, his shirt buttoned to the very top. He sat in a single chair beside the floor-to-ceiling window, holding a cup of cold black coffee. His eyes had returned to their usual detached calm as he stared at me. There was no embrace. Not even a hint of awkwardness. He looked at me as though I were an intern who had accidentally dirtied his operating table. The silence became suffocating. I hurriedly pulled the blanket over my bare shoulders, my heart pounding against my ribs. Just as I struggled to figure out how to break the silence, Adrian spoke first. “You like me.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. My mind went blank. Heat rushed into my face. I instinctively tried to deny it. “Mr. Black, I—” “You don’t need to deny it.” Adrian cut me off. He set the coffee cup on the glass table with a sharp click. “You blush every time you see me in the hallway. You know all my habits, dietary restrictions, and preferences. You graduated at the top of your class and specifically requested a position at my newly established private hospital. Emma Carter, I’m not blind.” He had seen everything, yet he had watched my unrequited love from a distance without ever intervening. My breathing stopped. Humiliation and a secret, fragile hope tangled inside me. If he knew, then what had last night meant? Could it mean he felt something for me too? My fantasy had barely begun to take shape when Adrian cruelly shattered it. He reached into the inner pocket of his suit and pulled out a black bank card. Holding it between two long fingers, he placed it on the table and pushed it toward me. “I drank too much last night. It was an accident. I don’t mix my private life with my work, but since it happened, I’ll take responsibility.” His voice was as cold as ice. “But I won’t return your feelings. There’s someone I love. That will never change. The money on this card is enough to ensure you live comfortably for the rest of your life. Your parents can use it to live well, too.” He stood and looked down at me as though delivering final medical instructions. “Take the money and forget last night. At the hospital, you’ll still be an emergency nurse, and I’ll still be the hospital director. Beyond that, we have no relationship.” I stared at the black card until my eyes burned. I remembered how, at the height of his passion the night before, Adrian had buried his face in my neck and whispered a name over and over. “Serena… Serena…” Every repetition had felt like a dull knife slicing into my flesh. Everyone who had worked at the hospital for years knew that name. Serena White—the first love Adrian could never forget. They had supposedly dated in college. Later, Serena had broken up with him and gone abroad to pursue a better future. Rumor had it that she had dated one man after another overseas, while Adrian refused to get involved with any other woman. He had worked obsessively to expand the hospital, all so that when she returned, he could offer her the best life possible. I watched Adrian turn away. Somewhere, I found the courage to throw off the blanket, place my bare feet on the cold carpet, and shout after him. “I don’t want your money!”Emma Carter POV Adrian stopped. He turned his head slightly, a faint crease appearing between his brows. “I don’t want anything. Not money, not a title, and not for you to return my feelings right now.” My voice trembled. Tears burned in my eyes, but I forced them back. I had lowered myself into the dirt. “I only want you to give me a chance.” Adrian turned around and studied me. “Please try being with me. Even if it has to be a secret relationship.” I dug my nails into my palm, using the pain to stay clearheaded. “If she never comes back, or if she returns and you still can’t let her go, then when that day comes, I’ll leave on my own. I won’t cling to you. Adrian, give me five years. Please.” I thought even stone could be warmed if someone held it long enough. I thought my companionship could overcome a distant first love. Adrian stared at me for a full ten seconds. Those ten seconds lasted longer than a century. Finally, he looked away, pushed the bank card toward me again, and gave me his answer. “Suit yourself.” From that day on, my life split in two. By day, I wore a white coat and was the emergency department’s flawless Ms. Carter. By night, I was the woman waiting in this villa for him to summon me to his bed. Five years. More than eighteen hundred days and nights. We kissed in the hospital break room during overnight shifts. We lost ourselves in the back seat of his Maybach. We left countless reckless traces against the massive windows of the villa. There were no flowers, no dates, and no public promises. No one knew about our secret relationship. Even the head nurse, who knew everyone’s business, thought I was a work-obsessed woman who had no interest in dating. I endured his hot-and-cold behavior. I grew used to the way he showered immediately afterward, obsessively washing away my scent. I had even helped him deal with wealthy socialites who tried to get close to him. I became his shadow, dreaming that one day habit would turn into love. Until a few days ago—Adrian’s thirtieth birthday. I had traded shifts with a coworker two weeks in advance. I bought the rare vinyl record he had always wanted and taught myself to make a low-sugar mousse cake. I decorated the villa to feel warm and romantic, then prepared a table full of his favorite dishes. I sat at the dining table and waited from evening until midnight. The clock on the wall reached twelve. My phone suddenly lit up. It was a notification from my priority list on Instagram. Adrian had never posted on Instagram before. His messages were always about work or family. Yet at midnight, he uploaded a post. It was a photograph. Beneath a sky bursting with fireworks, Adrian wore a casual jacket I had never seen before. He held a woman in a white dress tightly in his arms and kissed her with deep tenderness. Her face wasn’t visible, but her slender silhouette and the softness overflowing from Adrian’s eyes cut into my nerves. The caption was only one short sentence: [The best birthday gift is getting back what I once lost.] All the color drained from my face. For five years, I had thought I’d finally warmed that stone. But he wasn’t a stone. He simply didn’t radiate warmth toward me. Serena was back. I sat at the table and stared at the mousse cake collapsing in front of me. Like a drowning person reaching for the last piece of driftwood, I called Adrian. Beep… beep… beep… Every ring felt like punishment. The call connected. “Hello?” The voice on the other end wasn’t Adrian’s cold one. It was a sweet, lazy female voice tinged with irritation. I opened my mouth, but my throat felt glued shut. Not a sound came out. “Hello? Say something!” Serena turned her head and called out, “Adrian, who’s this Emma Carter? She calls you in the middle of the night and then just sits there like a mute. How annoying.” After several seconds of silence, Adrian’s low, indifferent voice came through the speaker. “She’s a nurse at the hospital. No one important. Ignore her. Turn off the phone and watch the fireworks.” No one important. Five years. More than eighteen hundred days and nights. Countless moments of intimacy. Countless times working side by side. And in the end, I was “no one important.” I didn’t hang up. I listened to the call disconnect with a series of beeps, then slowly curved my lips into a silent smile. Tears fell in heavy drops onto the cold dining table. So the five years that belonged to me had been a joke from the very beginning.Emma Carter POV I knew it was time for me to leave. The day after Serena returned, Adrian announced to the entire hospital that it would be receiving a massive strategic investment from an overseas corporation. Serena was the corporation’s chief representative for North America. Adrian had once been a workaholic, but he began arriving late and leaving early. In the hospital parking lot, his Maybach’s passenger seat now held a special pillow that belonged only to Serena. Everyone discussed the couple’s reconciliation. I stood among them and listened to their praise, feeling the blood in my body turn cold. I submitted my resignation immediately. But just as I finished packing and prepared to survive the final month of handover, fate played its cruelest joke. That afternoon, I was checking medication in the emergency department when the piercing siren of an ambulance approached from a distance. It screamed through the hospital entrance. “Move! Get out of the way! Chemical plant explosion! Severe burns!” The emergency responders were covered in soot as they shouted and pushed a stretcher into the trauma room. I rushed forward on instinct. Then I saw the body on the stretcher—a figure burned beyond recognition, barely human. My feet stopped. A bloody hand hung over the edge of the stretcher. Around its wrist was a crooked woven bracelet. It was the bracelet I had made for my younger brother, Noah, just last month. “Noah…” My mind went blank. All the blood seemed to drain from my body at once. I screamed and threw myself toward the stretcher. My brother Noah Carter had just turned twenty-two. He was a young firefighter. He was the boy who always told me, “Don’t be afraid. I’ll protect you,” whenever I was hurt. Now his body was charred black. The sharp smell of roasted flesh and chemicals filled the room. The numbers on the monitors flashed wildly as alarms screamed. “Ms. Carter, calm down!” The ER director grabbed me as my legs gave way. “The burns cover ninety percent of his body, with severe inhalation injuries. Get him to surgery immediately! He needs an emergency tracheotomy and escharotomy, or he’ll go into shock!” “Save him! Please, Director, please save him!” I clutched his white coat like it was a lifeline. “His injuries are too severe. The burn specialist is out of town at a conference. Mr. Black is the only person in the entire hospital capable of performing this level of debridement and flap surgery!” the director said urgently. “Go get him! Now!” I ran out of the trauma room. I called Adrian like a madwoman, but an icy automated voice answered every time. “We’re sorry. The person you’re calling is currently on another call…” I rushed to the director’s office on the top floor. It was empty. His assistant, Mr. Lewis, stared at me with blood covering my hands, as if I were a lunatic. “Mr. Black took Ms. White to meet Mr. Smith from the overseas corporation. Apparently, today’s meeting will determine whether the five-hundred-million-dollar investment goes through…” “Give me the address!” I screamed, my eyes bloodshot. The moment I got the address, I ran out of the hospital without even removing my white coat and hailed a cab. My hands shook so badly I could barely hold my phone. I called again and again. The first call was rejected. The fifth call was rejected. The fifteenth call went straight to voicemail. Tears blurred my face. I bit my finger until it bled and forced myself to stay calm. Then I sent Adrian a message: [Adrian, please answer! My brother suffered severe burns in a chemical plant fire. He’s dying. You’re the only person who can perform this surgery! Please come back to the hospital!] There was no response. Finally, on the twenty-third call, he answered.Emma Carter POV “Emma, have you lost your mind?” Adrian’s low voice came through, restrained fury beneath every word. In the background, I could faintly hear elegant violin music and the clinking of wineglasses. “I told you I’m discussing an important strategic investment. You’ve been calling nonstop during work hours. Where’s your professionalism?” “Adrian! My brother is dying! He has burns over ninety percent of his body. The director said only you can perform the surgery! Please, come back. Please save him!” I sobbed uncontrollably in the cab, begging him without any dignity left. There was a brief silence on the other end. Then Adrian’s voice turned calm, almost cruelly rational. “Emma, the investment Serena brought in concerns the hospital’s future. Five hundred million dollars could determine whether this hospital reaches the top tier in the country over the next five years. I can’t leave right now. Mr. Smith is difficult. If I walk away, the deal will fail completely.” “But my brother can’t wait! He’s going to die!” “The emergency department has other doctors.” Adrian sounded increasingly impatient. “I’ve already messaged Dr. Harris and told him to stabilize your brother first. You’re medical staff too. You should know what matters more. If Serena’s investment fails, the hospital could collapse. Where will your brother go for treatment then? Stop making a scene. I’ll come back when I’m done.” “Adrian…” Beep— The call ended mercilessly. I stared blankly at the screen. To Adrian, the investment Serena had arranged—and the medical empire he was building—were far more important than my brother’s life. Or perhaps it was because the person begging him was me, the “insignificant” Emma Carter. If Serena’s family member had been lying on that operating table, would he have calmly weighed the options like this? When I returned to the hospital, the red light outside the trauma room was still on. Dr. Harris came rushing out, drenched in sweat. He shook his head sadly. “Emma… I’m sorry. We did everything we could. Without immediate escharotomy and infection control, he developed multiple organ failure. Prepare the funeral.” I didn’t cry. Like a puppet with its soul removed, I walked into the trauma room one step at a time. The machines gave off a sharp, continuous tone. Beep— The lively twenty-two-year-old lying on the stretcher had become a cold, rigid, horrifying corpse. I walked over and touched the small section of his face that remained unburned. The coldness beneath my fingertips traveled through my veins and froze my heart. Six hours. From the moment he was brought in until they declared him dead, six full hours had passed. If Adrian had returned at the first call, would Noah still be alive? “I’m sorry…” I pressed my face against my brother’s cold hand. My tears mixed with the blood and fluids on his skin, dropping onto the white sheet one by one. I was sorry for loving the wrong man. I was sorry that my weakness had killed him. At that moment, the flame that had burned inside me for five years—the flame named Adrian Black—was completely extinguished by the chemical plant explosion and the freezing morgue. Not even a trace of warmth remained.Emma Carter POV The funeral was simple and hurried. Because Noah had died in the line of duty, representatives from the fire department came to pay their respects. My parents fainted several times from crying and were carried to the next room by relatives. I knelt alone before my brother’s coffin. My eyes had dried out. I couldn’t shed another tear. Three days had passed since Noah’s death. During those three days, Adrian never appeared. He didn’t call. He didn’t even send a single message asking how I was. I signed one cold document after another: the death certificate, the cremation authorization, the paperwork to close his official records. Every signature drove my hatred of Adrian deeper into my bones. I had thought that after five years together, even if he didn’t love me, he would feel some pity for me. Reality slapped me hard across the face. Numbly, I took out my phone and opened Instagram. The first post was one Serena had uploaded half an hour earlier. The background was a luxury private yacht beneath blue skies and bright water. Serena wore a sexy bikini and sunglasses, smiling boldly at the camera. In the center of the group photo, Adrian wore a casual white shirt, his arm naturally draped around Serena’s shoulders. His expression remained distant as he looked at the camera, but the slight curve of his lips stabbed straight into my eyes. Serena’s caption read: [The investment ran into a few problems, but thank you, Adrian, for putting aside all your work to take me out on the water. I feel so much better now. I’m lucky to have you.] Putting aside all his work. Taking her out on the water. Helping her feel better. I stared at the words, finding the entire thing absurd. My brother lay in a freezing coffin, his flesh burned black. Meanwhile, Adrian—the man who had claimed the hospital couldn’t survive without that investment—had abandoned everything to accompany Serena because of a “small problem.” In five years, Adrian had considered it a waste of time to accompany me downstairs to buy fruit. My finger hovered over the screen for a moment. Then, calmly, I liked Serena’s post. As if a spell had been triggered, a new message appeared less than a minute later. It was from Adrian. [Emma, Serena was upset because the investors suddenly backed out. I’ve been staying with her these past few days, and I didn’t have my phone with me.] [I’m sorry about your brother. Dr. Harris said things weren’t looking good? Don’t panic. When I return tomorrow, I’ll arrange for the best specialists to examine him. Don’t worry about the money.] [Also, I was too harsh on the phone that day. We’ll talk properly when I get back.] I stared at the words, “things weren’t looking good,” and suddenly began laughing hysterically. “Hahahaha…” I laughed alone at the funeral, bending over as tears began pouring down my face again. He didn’t know my brother was dead. He hadn’t even bothered to ask what had happened at the hospital. He thought that if he was willing to offer money and arrange specialists, everything could still be fixed. I didn’t reply. I exited the chat, blocked and deleted Adrian’s number, then stood and brushed the dust from my knees. After the funeral, I returned to the villa. It was the last time I would come back before completing the handover. Most of my belongings had already been cleared out. I went to the storage room and dragged out the black twenty-four-inch suitcase I had originally planned to take with me. I opened it. Inside were my essentials, along with the things I had secretly kept as souvenirs. A cheap refrigerator magnet Adrian had brought me from his first out-of-town conference. A photograph I had secretly taken of him sleeping on the sofa. A diary filled with five years of love. And the black bank card he had thrown at me all those years ago. Without expression, I removed each item. Then I carried everything to the spacious backyard. There was an abandoned metal burn barrel there, usually used by the gardener to burn dead leaves. I tore the diary into pieces and threw it inside. Then the photograph. I smashed the refrigerator magnet before tossing it in. Finally, I held the black card filled with the money he had used to buy my dignity. I struck a match. The moment the flame touched the paper, it leaped higher. Orange fire swallowed Adrian’s sleeping face in the photograph. It devoured the humiliating love letters I had written in the diary. It consumed the false promise represented by the black card. I stood before the flames and watched the ashes of my five years of youth scatter in the wind. My face was expressionless. Even the last trace of longing burned away completely. “Adrian.” I watched the fire, my voice so soft it seemed the wind could carry it away. “I don’t owe you anything anymore.” Five years of unrequited love. Five years of devotion. One life. This debt ended here. I turned, lifted the half-empty suitcase, and walked out of the villa without looking back. The front door locked behind me. I didn’t return to the hospital. Instead, I sent the handover documents to the nursing director and bought a train ticket home that night. To a place where Adrian Black would never exist.