The Boy Behind My Fiancé’s Smile

Nathan Reed and I had been together for three years when I found out he was cheating—while I was trying on wedding dresses. A friend from college sent me a photo of my fiancé having dinner with the woman he’d never gotten over. He was supposed to be helping me pick out my wedding dress. I yawned, took off the gown, and went on a shopping spree. I maxed out the card Nathan had given me. Men could be unreliable. As long as their money wasn’t, I could live with that. Later, I went to a bar to get drunk. I was just about to hook up with a cute blond guy when someone scooped me up and carried me away. As he settled my tab, he told the bartender he was my husband. His scent was familiar. Like that bastard of a fiancé of mine… But also like someone else. One wild night. We used every condom I’d had in my pocket. He wore me out, insisting that I say his name. Nathan Reed was seriously unhinged. He’d bought a decibel meter and put it beside the bed. Honestly, I knew it was probably because the woman he’d never gotten over was back. I’d rarely suffered any real setbacks in life. When Nathan and I first met, I had no idea there was someone like that in his past. But it didn’t really bother me. Who didn’t have someone they couldn’t forget? To everyone else, we were a perfect match. Three years together, equally wealthy families, a handsome man and a beautiful woman. To me, we were more like two backup plans keeping each other warm. I’d caught real feelings. That made me a bad backup plan. It wasn’t his fault. When I met Nathan in college, he was student body president. In his white shirt, he looked almost luminous. He was the golden boy everyone admired, young and confident and full of promise. Our lives shouldn’t have crossed. I rarely left my dorm unless I had to, and I hated campus activities. The only event I’d ever participated in was an online campus beauty contest. My roommate Chloe had entered my photo. First prize was five hundred dollars. She’d used my student ID picture, taken right before freshman year. My hair barely brushed my shoulders, and my smile was awkward. Chloe said I had a very particular kind of beauty in that picture—the kind that looked easy to scam… I came in second. First place went to Paige Morgan, a pretty girl with two dimples when she smiled. “Em, you kind of look like her!” Chloe said. The comments said the same thing. What pissed me off was that some people actually claimed I’d had surgery to look like Paige. Nathan and I met at a basketball game. Chloe’s boyfriend was a freshman architecture major who wore number eight. According to her, he’d saved her the best seats so she could properly appreciate him in action. The girlfriend seats, basically. Since Chloe had dragged me along as her plus-one, I sat beside her. Nathan was sitting on my other side. His jersey number was seven. I didn’t understand basketball, so I started playing Candy Crush. A few levels in, I got stuck. Then I saw that someone else had already beaten that level, and my competitive streak kicked in. After a while, a male voice spoke beside me. “Can I try? I’ve beaten this one.” That was when I finally noticed him. His skin was almost luminous. His face was flawless, his eyes bright and slightly upturned. His features couldn’t have been more perfect. Yet there was something gentle about him. He looked so familiar.They were completely different people, with completely different temperaments. How had I connected them? After a moment’s hesitation, I asked, “Have we met?” Nathan looked genuinely stumped. He thought about it, then shook his head. Awkward. He probably thought I was using some terrible pickup line… To ease the tension, I hesitated, then handed him my phone. “If you can’t beat it, just give it back. I’m almost out of lives.” I leaned closer so I could see the screen. His long fingers moved casually across it. A few cheerful cries of “Excellent!” later, he’d cleared the level. Then he handed my phone back and turned toward the court, as though he’d just helped because he had nothing better to do. “Thanks.” “No problem. I’m about to go in.” I blinked, put my phone away, and decided to actually watch the rest of his game. He raced across the court, sweat gleaming on his skin. Sunlight poured through the skylights and caught him in its glow. My heart clenched. For a moment, two figures blurred into one. Someone photographed Nathan and me sitting together and posted it on the campus forum. The thread shot to the top. The title was: “HOW CAN TWO PEOPLE LOOK LIKE FATE JUST SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER?!” BunnyNoBites: [That’s the girl who came second in the beauty contest!!! I never see her anywhere except class!!! How do they know each other????] FailMeNot: [Hot people always look destined for each other… But honestly, Paige is prettier and looks more natural… We just don’t see her around since she went abroad…] YourMajestyHasArrived: [Is it a crime to compliment two girls at once? Besides, Emily’s top of our department. She’s got plenty going for her.] FeedMePlease: [Seconding this.] StarveMeNot: [A million upvotes. Also, are our usernames a matching set?] FeedMePlease: [Looks like it. Want to talk?] YourMajestyHasArrived: [Take your flirting somewhere else!!] LiterallyPsyduck: [I just want to know if they’re dating. Also, does anyone have her number? PLEASE.] ShortAndSweet: [Then I’ll ask for his.] OP: [I just snapped this while watching the game. They didn’t talk again afterward!! Also, I think Paige and Nathan went to high school together. Ship with caution!!!] LiterallyPsyduck: [Wait, has anyone noticed Emily looks kind of like Paige?! Is this some replacement-girlfriend situation?] YourMajestyHasArrived: [I heard Emily got surgery to look like Paige…] ChloeComingHome: [Heard it from who? Did her plastic surgeon whisper it in your ear?] The comments were lively. Somehow, everyone split into two camps. Chloe showed me the thread. ChloeComingHome was her account. She pestered me all day, apparently expecting me to give her an entire romance novel’s worth of gossip. Honestly, after that brief flutter at the basketball game, I hadn’t seen Nathan again. My crush on him seemed to have been just as brief. I thought about it, then turned to Chloe. “Do you know Nathan Reed?”Chloe froze and stared at me in disbelief. Then she threw her arms around me. “Em, you’re finally growing up! You actually want to meet a guy!” She was squeezing the air out of me. “I’m just trying to give you that romance novel you wanted,” I managed. “The team’s having a celebration dinner tonight. My boyfriend invited me. Come with me. Nathan should be there.” In high school, I’d been terrible at saying no. Eventually, whenever there was some dirty or exhausting job to do, I was the first person everyone thought of. I was competitive, too. I wanted to be the best at everything. All I’d done was run myself ragged for people who never appreciated it. But then I remembered his face and nodded anyway. That evening, Chloe and I arrived at the restaurant. Everyone else was already there. Two other girls were sitting with the team, probably players’ girlfriends. They studied me curiously, wondering who the newcomer was. Someone even whistled. I sat down awkwardly and stole a glance at Nathan in the corner. He was talking to the person beside him, a glass dangling from his hand. He was smiling, his eyes catching the light. He didn’t look at me once. Chloe was on my left. Another girl sat on my right. She was cute, with flushed cheeks, and looked as though she’d been pressured into drinking too much. Apparently, she was number six’s new girlfriend. Everyone had been egging the two of them on, getting them to drink. For a moment, I saw the girl I used to be—the one who only knew how to please everyone but herself. I quietly unscrewed the water bottle I always kept in my bag and handed it over. “Stop drinking. Have some water.” She took it in surprise and gave me a grateful nod. When I looked up, I finally met those familiar, clear eyes. Then Nathan spoke. “Quit making her drink. She doesn’t have to keep up with you guys.” His voice was still mild, even amused, but there was an edge to it that left no room for argument. After that, almost no one proposed another toast. Chloe, unfortunately, was already wasted. I was trying to figure out how to get her back to our dorm. Would knocking her out make this easier…? Near the end of dinner, Nathan stepped outside to take a call. He was gone a long time. The girl beside me seemed to notice how often I glanced toward the door. Tentatively, she asked, “Do you… like Nathan?” I paused. Did this count as liking someone? I’d only known him for a little over a day. “You’re so pretty. I’m sure you have a chance.” She made me laugh. I patted her head. “You’re pretty, too.” Then I stood up to get some air. I found Nathan smoking at the end of the hallway. Smoke blurred his handsome face. Standing there alone, stripped of his usual glow, he looked almost lonely. I blamed the alcohol for my sudden bravery. Or maybe I just needed an excuse to approach him. As I got closer, I caught the mixed scent of cigarettes and liquor. Beneath it was the faint, fresh scent of pine. I took out my phone and said nervously, “Nathan, I need your help.”As soon as Nathan noticed me approaching, he stubbed out his cigarette beneath his shoe. Then he looked at me with interest. “With what?” I held up my phone. Just as I finally worked up the courage to speak, someone tapped my shoulder. Why did the universe hate me? I turned around. It was Jacob, a guy in my department who took the same classes. He liked asking questions, talked way too much, and had absolutely. No. Sense. Of timing. His smile was so genuine that I couldn’t even work up the anger. “Emily! What a coincidence. I’m eating here, too.” Nathan straightened. “I’ll let you two talk. I’m heading back inside.” Then he walked past me. “Did you need something, Jacob?” Jacob scratched his head awkwardly. “Uh… I just saw you and wanted to say hi…” I nodded and started to leave. He stopped me again, his voice trembling slightly. “Could I add you on Snapchat?” Great. Someone had finally said what I’d been trying to say. It was only exchanging contact details. It didn’t mean anything. I took out my phone and added him. Exactly. It was just Snapchat. Nathan probably wouldn’t turn me down either. By the time I got back to the table, plenty of people had passed out. Everyone was getting ready to leave, so I hauled Chloe to her feet. “Hey… beautiful!” someone called from behind me. I didn’t dare turn around. I couldn’t be sure he meant me, although I certainly thought I qualified. Then someone jogged over. It was a guy with a buzz cut who’d been at dinner. He rubbed his head and grinned. “Hey, almost forgot. Nathan said if you still need his help, add him and tell him what’s up. He had to leave early.” Fireworks went off inside me. My face, however, remained perfectly calm. “Okay.” As soon as he gave me Nathan’s username, I sent a friend request. Nathan accepted almost immediately. His profile picture was simple. After my shower, I found a message from him. [So, Emily, what did you need help with?] Me: [Oh… you’ve already helped.] [But I haven’t done anything yet.] Me: [I just wanted you to get out your phone and add me…] Nathan stopped replying. Maybe he wasn’t thrilled that I’d tricked him into giving me his contact information… Ten minutes later, just as I was about to sleep, my phone chimed. My body ran on a strict schedule. Once eleven rolled around, I could barely keep my eyes open. Fighting my sleepiness, I checked my phone. It was Nathan. Nathan: [Actually, I need your help with something, too.] Me: [Tell me tomorrow, Nathan. It’s late.] Then I turned off my phone. When Chloe found out, she tapped my forehead and told me I was hopeless at flirting. When I woke up, there were no new messages. I had an early class. Anyone with an eight a.m. lecture knew what it felt like to be a half-dead dog. I liked my usual seat by the window in the second-to-last row. From there, I could see the sky and the mountains in the distance. It felt like freedom. Sometimes, I could almost smell flowers carried in on the wind. It was also a great spot for a nap.Someone beside me mentioned Nathan. Apparently, he’d been busy organizing the campus variety show… When I woke up, class was over. There was a message from Nathan. [Where are you, Emily?] Me: [Classroom.] [Free right now?] Me: [Yeah. Class just ended.] [I’ll come find you.] Me: [Don’t bother. Meet me in the dining hall. We can eat.] Ten minutes later, I spotted Nathan in the dining hall. His head was down as he scrolled through his phone, and he hadn’t noticed me. Two meals sat in front of him. Both had cilantro, which I hated. I tapped the table. The moment he looked up, he smiled brightly. There was none of last night’s gloom. He was the sunny golden boy again. I smiled in greeting. “Is one of those for me?” He nodded and gestured for me to sit. I sat down and began picking out the cilantro. Nathan didn’t rush to say anything. He just watched. By the time I’d removed every last piece and was ready to eat, I’d almost forgotten he was there. I looked at him awkwardly. Whenever I focused on something, I tuned out the people around me. People often called me rude for it. I set down my fork. I couldn’t accept a free lunch without at least hearing him out. “Nathan, you said you needed my help…” Still smiling, he looked at me calmly. “I do. Chloe mentioned you play piano. Would you be interested in performing at the campus show?” I was glad I hadn’t started eating. It would’ve made saying no harder. “Sorry. Not interested.” Nathan raised his eyebrows, apparently surprised by how quickly I’d refused. He rubbed one brow awkwardly. “You didn’t even think about it.” “No. I don’t like doing things like that.” Silence settled between us again. Instinctively, I wanted to leave. Running away might not solve anything, but it worked. Nathan seemed to notice my discomfort. “Maybe I was being full of myself, but I thought you were interested in me.” “And now you don’t?” He smiled and nodded. I smiled back. “You were right the first time. I am interested.” Then I thought for a moment and added, “Just not enough to give up my principles.” Nathan fell silent again. I was starting to think I really shouldn’t be allowed to talk to people. I could kill a conversation in seconds. “Have you ever? Given up your principles for someone?” “Yes.” But I couldn’t find him anymore. I kept that part to myself. “I should go. I have class this afternoon.” “Eat first. Whether you say yes has nothing to do with me wanting to buy you lunch.” My stomach betrayed me with a growl. I’d forgotten breakfast. I didn’t agonize over it. I sat back down and started eating. Nathan had elegant table manners. Genuinely elegant—not like me, who simply ate slowly. “Well, this lunch wasn’t a total loss.” I waited for him to explain. “Next time we eat together, I’ll know you don’t like cilantro.” The thread about Nathan and me shot back to the top of the campus forum. Someone had posted a photo of us having lunch. BunnyNoBites: [WE GOT AN UPDATE!] YourMajestyHasArrived: [AHHHHH!! He’s so sweet. He keeps looking at her!] NoChildLeftBehindExceptMe: [Whatever. I don’t like some late arrival swooping in. Paige and Nathan are the real thing!!] PleaseGoAway: [She left him behind. Apparently, she even got a boyfriend over there. I follow her on Instagram. Give it up.] OP: [Guys, I’m shipping it now. Nathan and Emily are REAL!! Mostly because of the way he looks at her. Are we sure they didn’t know each other before????] ChloeComingHome: [If you’re not shipping this, you have no soul!] PleaseGoAway: [Agreed.] ToughGuySoftHeart: [Agreed.] The replies were intense. As one of the people involved, I found it baffling. Nathan and I had met three times. How had everyone gotten this invested?