Ashes of Love, We’ll Never Meet Again

  In the previous life, Mara often came to visit the family, but Clara did not think much of it. Who would have thought that at the age of sixty, they were still thinking about such a romantic affair. Clara said nothing, turned around and called out, "Carter." A golden retriever with beautiful yellow hair rushing out of the house and barking wildly at the door. Mara was so frightened that her face turned pale. She tightly grasped Jackie's sleeve and said aggrievedly, “Jack, Clara does not welcome me, right? I'm leaving now.” Clara ignored them and continued to tend to her small garden, while Carter walked briskly beside her, gently wagging his tail. Watching Mara leave, Jackie was a little puzzled, “You do this on purpose, don’t you? I met her while walking in the park and I invited her to my home.” Clara did not say anything.  Perhaps he sensed her displeasure. He sighed as if he had compromised, “Forget it. If you do not like it, I won't let her come to my house anymore.” The next morning, Jackie went out for a walk as usual, but he did not return. It was not until Clara served the last dish that he opened the courtyard door. “You have not eaten yet? Do not wait for me, I'm not hungry.” With just a glance, she saw the grease on the corners of his mouth that had not yet been wiped clean. It meant that he had eaten outside and it must have been with Mara.  He would take a walk from home to South Park and have a meal and he would be home around this time. This was because he knew that Clara did not like Mara, so he went out to meet her. In the end, she ate her breakfast alone in silence. However, Clara was grateful for the chance to wake up again.  In the past, she only cared about her children and her husband, so that she never paid close attention to her own feelings.  At that time, even a fried dough stick or a bowl of soy milk was made according to her preferences and seemed very precious. It was as if a pair of gentle hands calmed the waves in her heart bit by bit and she quietly enjoyed the peace of the moment. Jackie was sitting on the sofa, staring at his phone. His fingers were moving flexibly and a smile was always on his lips. It was unclear who he was chatting with.  It did not matter to her who he chatted with. It was not until the moment of life and death that she realized what was important.  This time, she would make arrangements before the end of her life and never let her loved ones suffer or her enemies rejoice. After dinner, Clara returned to her room, took out her computer that had not been used for a long time, logged into the official website of the Organ Donation Management Center and filled in the registration information for body donation. After filling out the form, Clara went into the room and sorted out all the photos of her that had been there over the years, not leaving out a single one. A brazier was set up in the yard and she sat beside it, throwing piles of photos into the fire. She and Jackie were together for a lifetime and there were several thick bundles of photos, from their love in their youth, to their long-lasting love in middle age, to their family of three after they had children and to their dependence on each other in their old age.  The number of photos was at least several hundred. Memories replayed before her eyes like a movie scene. The photo of her in a white dress leaning on his shoulder was taken when they had just started dating.  Her brows were relaxed, her eyes were clear and bright and her smile was gentle. He said that he liked Clara best in a white dress with a pigtail, which made her look pure and lively. For many years afterwards, Clara's favorite dress was always white. It was not until a photo of a girl in a white dress was found in his yearbook that Clara questioned Jackie. Jackie hesitated and just said that it was just a neighbor's little girl. Later, she fell ill. Jackie took Mara to her bedside. The familiar white dress and familiar outline were exactly the girl in the photo. Suddenly, she understood. Mara came to her house countless times, but she did not notice until the moment they held hands and he announced that they were going to be together.  

  Clara sobbed but could not say anything and she never had the chance to say what she wanted to say later. They officially announced that she had passed away. The flames in the yard finally attracted Jackie's attention. He hurried over and tried to grab some unburned photos from the brazier, but his hand was severely burned.  “What are you doing? These are all our memories.” His eyes were full of regret. “The photos have turned yellow. If I keep them, they will attract bugs. We'll take new ones later.” Perhaps he felt that what Clara said made sense, so he stopped talking and just kept repeating, “What a pity, every photo has so many memories.” The fire died out and the two returned to the living room. The only sound in the house was the sound of teacups hitting the table. Jackie glanced at Clara silently as he said, “Clara, come with me to South Park tomorrow. It's really lively in the morning.” “Go by yourself. I made breakfast and it's already seven or eight o'clock. You cannot always eat out.” Jackie was slightly embarrassed after being seen through. Just as he was about to explain, the phone rang. It was Mara's voice on the other end. “Jackie, my chest hurts a little, can you come over?” The voice made him almost imagine how pitiful Mara was on the other side.  He frowned, perhaps afraid that Clara would misunderstand him and hurriedly explained, “I'll be back soon. Her daughter is out of town and she cannot be left without someone to take care of her.” It was unexpected that Jackie could still walk briskly at the age of nearly 70. As he was not around, Clara simply packed some daily necessities and used her mobile phone to book a ticket for a free tour of Water Village. However, due to her old age, it was quite troublesome to join a group tour. After dinner the next day, when she was about to leave, Jackie had not come back yet, but it did not matter. She had long stopped caring about him.  She had lived half her life and died once before she realized that true love changes in the blink of an eye.  That time since she had another chance, she must treat herself well in the remaining time. When the plane landed, she received a message from Jackie, [Clara, where have you been? Why haven't you come back yet?] In the evening, it buzzed again, [Are you running away from home because you are angry with me? Really? At your age?] Clara directly set the message to not disturb. Since she came to the beautiful Water Village, she should enjoy this moment and stop thinking about trivial matters. It was really nice there, with a suitable temperature, bluestone tiles and a light mist in the morning.  It looked like an ink painting, with small bridges, flowing water, people's homes and an ancient road with a thin horse in the west wind. She found a famous local dress shop and chose a dark green dress for herself. She also held an umbrella in her hand and wore high heels.  Although she was already old, she still had a good figure. Plus, Clara was tall and fair, so she looked gentle and quiet as she walked in the town. Clara took a very sentimental photo of herself. In the photo, her face was kind and peaceful. The fan in her hand was painted with elegant orchids.  She posted it on her Instagram with the caption, [Even at the end of life, you must try your best to love yourself.] When they were young, Jackie promised to take her around to travel after retirement. But after he really retired, he was obsessed with taking walks in South Park all day long.  When she mentioned traveling around the country, he always smiled and said that he was too old and should not cause trouble. So that time she wanted to fulfill her dream and enjoy it to the fullest. On the second and third days, Jackie sent her messages every day. But she never responded. On the fourth day, he posted a photo of a garden full of flowers.  [Clara, the flowers in the garden are so bright and beautiful, just like you were when you were young. Come back, I need you and these flowers need you too.]

  On the fifth day, he posted a photo of himself having dinner alone. The afterglow of the setting sun lazily sprinkled on the old wooden table, stretching his shadow very long.  There was steaming porridge on the table, but the taste seemed to be mixed with an indescribable loneliness. Jackie's face was also deeply scarred. When he was young, he was very handsome, standing out among the crowd like a crane among chickens.  Clara fell in love with him at first sight and she knew that she would be stuck with him for the rest of her life.  Was the revenge on him a little ruthless? He was just an octogenarian. On the sixth day, the phone was unusually quiet. Clara just found it funny. Was his persistence only for five days? That was good too, quiet and comfortable. Still having not received any message from Jackie at night, Clara laid on the big bed and casually turned on the camera at home, which was installed by the children so that they could see their parents anytime and anywhere. The lights in the yard were on. Clara looked carefully and saw Mara sitting in her usual rocking chair and Jackie was also sitting beside her drinking hot tea.  The two of them were accompanied by the moonlight and it seemed that they were an old couple living a peaceful life. It would be a lie to say that she did not feel uncomfortable at this moment. Although she did not want to care, she had lived with him a lifetime after all. Since marrying Jackie at a young age, he had been her unwavering faith. For her family, her husband and her children, she convinced herself it was love at first sight. But after enduring the trials of time, that faith crumbled. In the end, it felt like life had played a cruel, merciless joke on her. Tears could not help but fall, Clara turned off the phone, snuggled into the warm cup and soon felt sleepy. The lights were turned off and the room was pitch dark. The next day, she was on a boat trip with her tour group when she received a call from her daughter, who was choking with sobs. “Mom, why are you not home? Is something wrong?” Girls were always thoughtful. Maybe she saw something in the video. In order to comfort her daughter, Clara pretended to be relaxed. “Nothing, I was just traveling and met a lot of new friends.” Her daughter wanted to say something, but instead, Clara said, “By the way, come home again in a few days. I have something to give you.” “Okay.” The two made an appointment and hung up the phone. On the boat, Clara turned on the video at home. No wonder her daughter called her, it seemed Mara had already entered the house. In the quaint courtyard, Jackie sat in a rocking chair while Mara sang Opera in front of the flower bed, posing and dancing.  Her every frown and smile was delicate and artificial. Jackie listened with joy and clapped his hands to keep the rhythm. After turning off the video, Clara curled the corners of her mouth in self-mockery. The one-month trip ended quickly. It was already evening when she pulled her suitcase back home.  Mara and Jackie were eating dinner at the dining table in the living room, she had one bowl and he had one. Clara's sudden intrusion seemed like a third party who broke the atmosphere. Jackie stood up quickly and explained, “Mara has been feeling unwell and her daughter has not come back yet, so I had to take her over. Please sit down first and I'll serve you some food.” Ignoring him, Clara went straight into the bedroom. She was stunned when she entered the room.  The bed was neatly stacked with women's pajamas that did not belong to her and the bottles and jars in front of the dressing table were obviously not her cosmetics.  The things that belonged to her were scattered in a cardboard box and thrown at her feet. She frowned, turned and left the bedroom, looking at Jackie. Jackie paused, as if remembering something, “After Mara came here, I let her sleep in the master bedroom. You're not here anyway. Also, don’t worry, I've been staying in the second bedroom these days.” ‘So, he let another old lady sleep in my bed?’ Clara sneered in her heart.  

  Seeing that she did not say anything, Jackie paused for a moment and then said, “I'll pack up her things and put them in the second bedroom.” As he spoke, he opened the door of the master bedroom and started tidying up. Mara came over at this time, her eyes full of disdain. Jackie was busy packing her things and not paying attention to the outside.  She leaned over to Clara's ear and said, “If you have the guts to leave, don't come back! Jack has been so happy with me these days. “I am Jack's first love. Men always remember their first love. You may not know that he found me a few years ago. “Without love, they can be husband and wife, but without love, they can never be lovers. Who do you think he loves more?” There was a hint of sarcasm in Mara's eyes. Then she shouted into the house, “Jack, I'd better leave first. You don't have to worry about my illness. I can take care of myself.” Hearing the shouting, Jackie came out quickly and looked at me with dissatisfaction as he said, “You are old now, so you cannot live without someone else by your side.” “No, Jack, I'm afraid Clara won’t welcome me either. After all, this is not my home.” Mara covered his chest and left slowly. Jackie was left behind, sighing as he cleaned the table. ‘Never mind, I do not want to argue with him,’ I just sneered in my heart and left him too. A few days later, her daughter came back. As soon as she entered the house, she took Clara's hand and asked, “Mom, where is my dad?” “Your dad went to South Park.” Her daughter's eyes were wet and she was about to speak when she was stopped by Clara. Children could not control their parents’ affairs and at that time, Clara really did not want them to worry about it. She took out the jewelry she had worn over the years, including a pair of gold bracelets with diamonds on it, which her mother had given her when she got married.  She also showed her several gold necklaces and gold earrings, which were all given to her by Jackie on birthdays and anniversaries over the years.  Although they were all old styles, they were still very valuable items. All these things together were worth at least hundreds of thousands of dollars. She gave them all to her daughter because she knew how hard her daughter had worked. She also kept some cash for herself to spend for the next two months and gave it all to her daughter. “By the way, this old house was left to me by your grandfather, so I'll leave it to your brother. It's up to him to keep it or sell it. He's the pillar of the family and the pressure is always greater, so don't think too much about it.” In an instant, her daughter understood the meaning of her words, if they were her last words, so she could not stop crying. Her mother's forced smile and pretended relaxed look made her feel even more distressed. When Jackie returned, his daughter had already left. Only the nutritional supplements and fruits neatly arranged in the living room proved that his daughter had been back. “Has our daughter ever come back?” “Um.” “Why didn't you tell me that our daughter was coming back?” But she just left him in silence.  Usually, Clara cared most about the reunion day. So, she had been acting out of character lately, traveling alone and eating alone at the dining table. She used to be the most timid person and never dared to go out alone. Jackie felt a little flustered for some reason. He moved his lips, wanting to chat with Clara about something, but seeing that she was not interested, he closed his mouth again. A moment later, Clara transferred the house to her son. This house used to be the old house of the Gallegos family after all.  Since she was the only daughter of the family, she had lived there since her parents passed away, so it had always been in the name of Clara. Jackie was not aware of it until he received a call from his son, “Dad, why do you and mom want to transfer the house?” After completing the formalities, Clara sat in the living room, leisurely eating an apple. “Clara, what happened? Why did you transfer the house to your son?” He was breathing heavily and it was obvious that he had run back in a hurry.  

  “Nothing, we are getting older, so we have to plan early. Sooner or later, it will be theirs, so why not prepare early, just in case something happens to us?” He nodded. “Okay.” Clara's words made his heart tighten. He had never thought about what if. When he thought about it carefully, they were already this old, had lived half of their lives, had both sons and daughters and were living an enviable life after retirement. Since when did something seem different? Clara's abnormal behavior always came to his mind, as if she was hiding something.  Jackie was inexplicably a little panicked. Could she be sick? He spoke subconsciously, “Clara, are you feeling unwell? Why don't I go with you to get checked tomorrow?” Clara looked calm when she answered, “No, I'm fine.” Lately he seemed to be finding it increasingly difficult to understand her. She did not ask about his daily behavior, did not care whether he had breakfast and tended her garden as usual. He always felt that she was strange. After a while, the two sat in the living room in silence. Jackie was silent for a while and could not help but say, “Clara, we are not only lovers, but also relatives. If there is anything, you must tell me, don't force yourself.” He wanted to say that he still cared about her, but he still married another woman with great fanfare after she left.  Even though her body was still warm and even though his children objected, he still threw his oath to Clara to the winds. So no one knew how sincere he was. After that day, he no longer went to South Park for a walk early in the morning and returned late at night, but always hung around in front of Clara. While she was cooking in the kitchen, he would light the fire, boil water, cut vegetables and fetch bowls; while she was shoveling the soil in the yard, he would water the flowers.  In the morning, when he got up, he would just walk to the gate, turn around and come back. The two of them were busy and harmonious, as if the days of their love for each other had returned again. During this time, his cell phone kept ringing. He pressed the button again and again and finally it was turned off. He picked up the morning paper and read it while discussing with Clara, “Our country won again in table tennis. It is worthy of being the national sport. These kids are as good as the veterans.  “Especially that one, he has a righteous face. I see many little girls are very enthusiastic about him.” Clara did not say anything. He thought she was still angry because he went to look after Mara so many times.  “Clara, Mara is alone here. I am just looking after her. If you don't like it, I will not care about her anymore.” Clara sneered, “I don't dislike her. I know you just want to take care of her, that's all.” He understood the meaning of the words, but Jackie's face still darkened. The corners of his mouth twitched but he did not say a word. Clara smiled and said again, “You can also bring her home, I don't mind, I can even give up the master bedroom.” His breath was choked and the hand holding the newspaper trembled slightly. No matter how well he covered up his dirty thoughts, he could not deceive his eyes. Looking far away, Clara said slowly, “Jackie, do you remember how we met?” Jackie also put down the newspaper with a deep look in his eyes.  He had just broken up that year and was walking on the street bored. At the corner, a girl in a white dress and pigtails caught his sight.  The girl had fair skin and a bright smile and he seemed to be missing Mara, with whom he had just broken up. No, she was more beautiful than Mara. When she was about to leave, he hurriedly chased after her and thus an unforgettable relationship began. In the early years, the woman stood strong while the man remained fragile and Clara's family had always been kind.  He was a fledgling boy from the countryside, yet Clara wholeheartedly supported his ambitions, choosing instead to stay home, care for their family and embrace motherhood.

  Decades passed in a flash and the once lovely girl had traces of time on her face. He thought that the two of them would be together until the end of their lives, supporting each other. But that day in South Park he met Mara, his first love. His heart, which had calmed down for a long time, was like a tranquil lake that was stirred up again.  He thought he had hidden it well, but he was still discovered. From Clara 's alienation during this period, he knew that he had been discovered. He wondered if Clara was Mara's replacement. Her appearance just happened to fill the missing feelings after breaking up with Mara.  But when she gradually became distant and behaved strangely, he realized that after years of companionship, he had long been unable to leave Clara.  Some people lightly tease his calm heart, while some people were engraved in his bones and could ot be separated. When he came to his senses, Clara had already returned to her room. Jackie knocked on the door gently as he called her, “Clara " There was no response, so he had to go back to the living room. That night, Jackie sat on the sofa all night. Only to wake up by a rapid knock on the door in the early morning, “Jack, Jack " Mara sobbed and her wrinkled face looked inappropriately weird because of her coquettishness.  The moment Jackie opened the gate and she threw herself into his arms. “Jack, why have you not answered my calls recently? I've been waiting for you to find me. You said you would take care of me.” Clara stood at the door and watched all this coldly. Jackie awkwardly pushed Mara away from his arms and explained, “Mara, if you feel uncomfortable, you should call the child. It's not good to be alone.” Mara looked surprised. She asked in sobs, “Jack, what did you say? You... don't want to care about me anymore.” Mara glared at Clara with resentment and then cried pitifully, “Okay, I don't need you to care about me. Tracey does not care about me and you do not care about me either. Just let me die of illness.” She ran away crying. Jackie wanted to chase her but he was in a dilemma because he had to consider the person in front of him. “Clara, I'll be back soon. I'm really worried that something might happen to her.” In the end he chased after him. Tears fell without Clara noticing. The inner defense that she once thought was indestructible was actually fragile.  ‘Jackie, this is the last time I will cry for you,’ Clara muttered to herself. The frequency of chest pain became more and more frequent. She knew it was a sign of an impending illness.  Her breathing became difficult and heavy and the feeling of suffocation made her realize that she was dying. After calming down, Clara made herself a hearty breakfast with lots of delicious food to share. A sudden ringing of a bell broke the tranquility of the early morning. “Hello, are you Ms. Gallegos? This is the local Red Cross. We have received your application for body donation on the official website.  “Now we are informing you that you can bring the paper version of the materials in three days to go through the donation registration procedures and receive the donation certificate and donation card.” “Okay, I will pick it up on time.” “What are you going to get?” Just as she was about to hang up the phone, Jackie's voice suddenly sounded behind her and Clara hung up the phone in a hurry. “Nothing,” she said casually, not wanting to waste time talking to him. Jackie felt uneasy for some reason. The third day passed quickly and Jackie happened to be out, so Clara took the materials to the local Red Cross to go through the formalities. When Clara came out, she saw Jackie accompanying Mara shopping. She was walking in front and he was following behind, looking very much in love. Looking at them coldly, Clara no longer felt any waves in her heart. It took another month to deal with these things and she had less and less time.  

  There was only one month left on the calendar and she did not have time to argue with them. The three old ladies met up with old friends whom they had not seen for a long time. They were dressed fashionably and drove a car, taking a ride from the countryside to the bustling city, attracting the attention of passers-by. "Look, a cool grandma! I want to be like her when I grow old." "Coolness knows no age—long live happiness!" While waiting at a red light, a young driver rolled down his window and asked, "Grandma, are you okay driving alone?" She smiled and replied, "No problem, I've been driving for decades." "Grandma’s pension must be pretty good, right?"  "Enough to eat, drink and have fun." A few old friends went on a road trip without telling their families and visited the primary school campus to reminisce about their childhood. The swings they swung on together were long gone.  Happiness back then was simple and a popsicle could make them satisfied. They went to the high school to see the place where they had struggled together, how they had worked silently for their dreams day and night and they still remembered the brightly lit study room and the sound of pens scratching across paper. They experienced success and failure together, although time had passed, they would still think of it at a certain inadvertent moment. Decades passed in a flash and everyone became old ladies. They were so carefree on the road that the next day, the internet was flooded with searches about them.  [Enviable old age life.] [Happy life of old girlfriends.] Clara never thought that she would be the object of everyone's pursuit on the Internet during her lifetime. She was so happy. Clara accompanied them all the way. She did not tell them that she was going to die. The purpose of the old friends meeting was to have fun.  Why bother discussing life and death? She would accompany them to this point in this life. A few days later, when Clara returned home, Jackie was pacing anxiously in the living room.  “Why did you come back just now? You are so willful at such an old age. It would be dangerous for you to drive out.” Clara looked at him coldly as she answered, “There's nothing to worry about. I know what's going on.” Time passed quickly and there were only a few days left before she fell ill. Clara sent messages to her son and daughter respectively in the evening, saying that she missed them.  In fact, Clara just wanted to see them for the last time, as she was afraid that she would never see them again. A few days later, the son and daughter returned home together. Clara endured the discomfort and cooked a table full of their favorite meals. Her son's mouth was full of oil as he ate and her daughter kept saying, "It's delicious, delicious,” and kept saying comforting words. After dinner, the family sat in the living room, brewing tea around the stove and talking about their childhood.  The occasional laughter coming from the living room made Clara feel as if the family was as happy as before. Clara wore a pair of reading glasses and held a yellowed photo album in her hand, flipping through the pages one by one.  From time to time, she tapped her daughter's nose with her hand, her eyes full of gentle smiles. “You were beautiful when you were a child. Every time I took you out, you would attract everyone to come to you.” Her daughter smiled slightly, with two dimples on her cheeks. “It's all because of mom and dad's good genes,” she said. Clara was amused and smiled, pointing to another photo and said, “Look at your brother, he has been very naughty since he was a child.” The smile on her lips lingered for a long time. A breeze blew in and Clara looked into the distance, her eyes full of kindness. At that time, her son and daughter were both in their 50s and had lost their immaturity and become more mature and steady. They all had their own families and careers.  Holding their hands, Clara felt indescribably satisfied. No matter what, every little bit of the past was a happy experience when she recalled it. But Jackie kept fiddling with his cell phone, frowning for a while and looking outside the door from time to time. Clara pretended not to see it and did not bother to pay attention, but her daughter could not help it.

  “Dad, is there something worrying you? Why are you so restless?” “No, not at all.” But his gaze was always fixed on the outside of the door. Another minute later, Jackie suddenly stood up and said, “I have to go out for a while. You two stay with your mother first.” Her daughter's expression changed a little bit as she sneered, “Dad, today is Family Day. My brother and I rarely come back. Do you have to go out? What's the important matter?” Jackie left without stopping, leaving behind a sentence, “You do not understand. I'll be back soon. It's very important.  “You stay home and take good care of your mother. It happens that your mother has been talking about you two these days.” Tears fulfilled her eyes, her daughter looked at Clara and hugged her tightly. The son's expression froze as he asked, “How long has dad been in this condition?” Clara didn’t know how to answer him. Perhaps after retirement, or even sooner. Or maybe, for the rest of her life, all she would have was a bowl of half-cooked rice. Her daughter and son all spoke up for her, but Clara just chuckled and shook her head. In her heart, he was nothing at that time and it did not matter where he went. Clara sat in the rocking chair and stroked her daughter's head lovingly. Like all mothers, she would worry about her child no matter how old she was, wondering whether she ate well, slept well and whether she had enough money to spend. She also told her children some things, including donating her body. She took out a body donation card from the small package behind her and asked them to contact the Red Cross to transport her body when she died. Her daughter kept wiping away tears as she said, “Mom, I want you to be my mom forever.” Clara held her son's hand with one hand and her daughter's hand with the other as she answered, “I have always been your mother, you must remember that death is not the end, I am just going to another place.” In the second half of the night, Clara's condition was not very good and she was often gasping for breath. The children wanted to take her to the hospital, but she disagreed.  She knew that the result would be the same whether she went to the hospital or not and she still wanted to stay in the place where she had lived all her life. The children were waiting by Clara's bed, but Jackie had not returned yet. Lying on the bed, she could not help but glance out the door a few times. It was as quiet there as it was at night. Her son and daughter looked at each other and then her son went out to make a phone call, but he got a busy tone several times, or the call was hung up as soon as it was connected. He was so angry that he almost dropped the phone. When entering the house, her son shook his head at her daughter imperceptibly, but Clara still caught it. Clara closed her eyes forever. Jackie finally came back in the morning, holding a bag of sandwiches in his hand. “Here, Aunt Mara made these specially for you. She knew you must not have had breakfast at this time. “Where's your mother?” Jackie did not notice his children's sad faces at all. He looked around and did not see Clara, which was a bit strange. She used to cook for the children even when she was not feeling well.  “Isn't your mother in the kitchen?” When his daughter raised her scarlet eyes, Jackie's heart trembled suddenly and a bad premonition came to his mind. “What were you doing last night? I called you so many times, but you never answered! Now it is too late, mom has gone.” Gone? His mind went blank, his eyes widened in confusion and he looked at his son in disbelief again. “Yes, mom died of a heart attack last night."