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Even Love Can Be Turned Into a Scheme
At the Valentine's Day party, it was time for the yearly blind-box exchange with my fiancé, Kerry Dotson. Heart full of excitement, I opened the blind box he'd had custom-made just for me. Inside there was no diamond ring, only an ultrasound showing a six-week pregnancy. The whole room burst into cheers and applause. Kathy Gomez, Kerry's first love, stood up with a blush on her face and shyly touched her belly.
Chapters (4)
第1章
At the Valentine's Day party, we came to the part we did every year with my fiancé Kerry Dotson — the two of us trading mystery boxes.
I opened the one he'd had made just for me, so happy I could barely hold still.
There was no diamond ring inside. Only a six-week ultrasound.
The whole room erupted at once into cheering and applause.
Kerry's first love, Kathy Gomez, stood up, her face flushed, and touched her belly with a shy little gesture.
Our mutual friends called out one after another. "Congrats, Kerry! The little family of three, finally all together!"
"Your wife waited five years for you. She's earned it at last."
I stood frozen with that ultrasound pinched between my fingers, like some clown who'd wandered into the wrong party.
My fiancé turned to look at me, his tone carrying something like charity.
"You've held that spot for five years. She's pregnant now. Don't you think it's time you read the room and stepped aside?"
"Nobody told you beforehand because we were afraid you'd throw a fit and ruin the mood on such a happy day."
I looked at this crowd of good friends I'd cooked for and hosted with my own hands for three years, and it all felt absurd beyond words.
I slipped the mystery box I'd prepared for him back into my bag.
He didn't know. The box in there held two little lines too.
1
"What are you spacing out for? This is wonderful news."
Our mutual friend Thomas Whitney, grinning, pressed a glass of wine into my hand.
Wave after wave of egging-on rolled through the private room.
I looked down at the stemmed glass forced into my grip, the red liquid sloshing against the glass.
Kerry sat dead center on the sofa, Kathy leaning against his shoulder, one hand resting protectively over her flat stomach.
"All right, stop pushing her."
Kerry's voice was mild, and it came down from above.
"It's normal she can't take it in all at once. She did hold the position for five years, after all."
He raised his eyes to me. There was no guilt in them.
He was simply informing me of a small matter.
Kathy tugged at his sleeve, her voice soft and frail.
"Kerry, don't talk about Sophia Harding that way. It's my fault. I shouldn't have gotten pregnant with your child at a time like this."
Her eyes rimmed red, and she looked at me pitifully.
"Sophia, please don't be angry with Kerry. If you feel wronged, I... I can get rid of the baby."
"Don't be ridiculous."
Kerry took her hand, his brow drawing together.
"This is my own flesh and blood. Who would dare touch it?"
He turned to me, his tone edged with warning.
"Sophia, Kathy's fragile. She can't handle being upset. You've always been sensible. Don't make a scene today."
The friends around us chimed in on cue.
"That's right, Sophia. She's even carrying his child now. You can't very well tear two lovebirds apart, can you?"
"You've enjoyed plenty of good things with Kerry these five years. Stepping down to make way for her is only right."
I looked at these people.
For three years, every gathering they had was at my place.
I went to the market for the seafood myself, worked in the kitchen all day, all to put a good spread on the table for them.
And now they stood on Kathy's side without a shred of shame.
I clenched the little box inside my bag so hard my nails nearly snapped.
Inside it was the pregnancy test I'd taken just that morning.
Two lines too.
I didn't cry, and I didn't scream.
I lifted the glass, and tilted my wrist just slightly.
A splash.
The red wine spilled at Kerry's and Kathy's feet.
The glass rolled twice across the carpet and stopped at the edge of the coffee table.
The room went silent in an instant.
Kathy shrieked and shrank into Kerry's arms.
Kerry shot to his feet, his face dark.
"Sophia, have you lost your mind?"
"The toast is done."
My voice was quiet, calm in a way that surprised even me.
"May the two of you have a long and happy life together."
I turned, pulled open the door of the private room, and walked out without looking back.
Only when the cold air in the hallway hit my face did I realize I was soaked in a cold sweat.
Hurried footsteps came up behind me.
Kerry had chased after me. He grabbed my wrist.
"Are you done making a scene?"
He lowered his voice, the usual irritation running through it.
"I know you're upset, but pulling a face in front of that many people just now — it looked terrible."
I wrenched my hand free and stepped back.
"Terrible? You hand me someone else's ultrasound in front of everyone, and that's not terrible?"
Kerry sighed and reached out to touch my hair. I turned my head aside and dodged it.
His hand froze in midair, then drew back with a flicker of annoyance.
"Kathy waited all these years for me. She's pregnant now. I have to give her a proper standing."
He looked at me and softened his tone.
"The wedding just has to be postponed for now, but I won't shortchange you."
"That river-view penthouse in the eastern suburbs — I'll have it transferred into your name tomorrow."
"Be sensible about this. Once Kathy safely delivers the baby, the place as Mrs. Dotson is still yours."
I looked at the face in front of me.
Just last month we were in that apartment, planning our future.
I'd bought eco-friendly paint and painted the nursery walls with my own hands.
He'd wrapped his arms around me from behind, chin tucked into the curve of my neck, laughing about the beautiful little daughter we'd have someday.
The warmth from back then seemed to still be on my skin, yet now it felt cold.
"There's no need."
I gripped my bag tight, feeling the mystery box through the fabric.
"Kerry, whatever this was between us — it ends here."
I turned and walked toward the elevator.
"Sophia!"
He called my name behind me, certain of himself.
"Don't do this out of spite. Keep the apartment for now. Once you've calmed down, we'll talk it through properly."
The elevator doors slid slowly shut.
Cutting off his line of sight.
I leaned against the wall of the elevator and slowly sank down.
I unzipped my bag. The mystery box I'd meant to give him lay quietly inside.
I touched my flat stomach.
He didn't know there was a little life in here too.
第2章
I came back to the apartment we'd shared for three years, and the living room was pitch dark.
I didn't turn on the light. I walked straight to the door of the second bedroom.
I pushed it open and froze.
The nursery I'd painted yellow had half its paint scraped roughly off the walls.
The floor was piled with yoga mats and a birthing ball and every kind of prenatal skincare product.
The crib was gone. In its place stood a full-length mirror.
The air was thick with scented oils.
My phone buzzed in my pocket.
I took it out. It was a screenshot Thomas had posted in the group chat.
Kathy's post.
The photo was Kerry from behind, helping her into a car.
The caption read: Thank you for giving me a home, and thank you to certain people for stepping aside. Baby, Mommy and Daddy love you.
Underneath were likes and comments from everyone who'd been in that private room tonight.
"The good wife's suffering finally pays off."
"Nothing sweeter than the real thing. Some people who take up space and do nothing should've cleared out ages ago."
"Exactly, and throwing her drink in public like that. Petty. No wonder Kerry didn't want her."
Kerry had replied below: Don't stay up late, it's bad for the baby.
I looked at that line on the screen, and my eyes ached.
He couldn't stand the thought of her staying up late because it might hurt the baby.
But he didn't care at all whether I, a woman alone, might be in danger walking the streets in the middle of the night.
And he cared even less that this nursery he'd torn out was one I'd spent night after night putting together.
The next morning there was a sound at the lock.
Kerry walked in carrying an insulated container.
Seeing me on the couch, he changed his shoes as if it were nothing, came over, and set the container on the coffee table.
"You're up? Go wash up and eat. Those breakfast pastries you love from that place on the south side."
He picked up a cushion, patted the dust off it, his voice gentle, as if nothing had happened last night.
I looked at him.
"The nursery in the second bedroom. Why did you tear it out?"
Kerry paused, then sat down beside me like it was nothing.
"Oh, Kathy said she needs to do yoga during the pregnancy, so I had someone redo it overnight."
He looked at me, and his tone took it all for granted.
"We're not using it for now anyway. Leaving it empty is just a waste."
"This is my apartment. Did you ask me before you touched it?"
My voice was flat, no rise or fall in it.
Kerry frowned, as if my attitude displeased him.
"Sophia, can you stop nitpicking over every little thing?"
He reached out to pull me toward him. I stepped away.
"This place may be in your name, but I paid the down payment."
"Kathy's pregnant now. She's emotionally sensitive. I only wanted her to have a comfortable environment."
He paused, and his voice softened into that patience he always fell back on.
"I know you've been hurt."
"Last night my friends said some ugly things. I've already dealt with them."
"Be good. Stop throwing tantrums at me all the time."
I looked at that self-satisfied tenderness of his, and my stomach heaved.
The early-pregnancy nausea rushed up out of nowhere. I clapped a hand over my mouth and bolted into the bathroom, retching.
Kerry followed to the doorway, frowning harder.
"What's wrong with you? Eat something bad?"
I turned on the tap, cold water rinsing through the sink.
Looking at my pale face in the mirror, I wiped the corner of my mouth.
"It's nothing."
I turned around and looked at him.
"Kerry. Take your things and get out."
Kerry's face finally darkened.
"Sophia, my patience has a limit."
He looked at me, disappointment in his eyes.
"I thought you were a woman who understood the bigger picture. I didn't expect you to be this unreasonable too."
He turned, walked to the entryway, and picked up his car keys.
"Right."
His hand on the door handle, he didn't turn back.
"Cancel next week's wedding photos."
"Kathy's morning sickness is bad. I need to stay home with her."
"Don't read too much into it. Once she has the baby, we'll still get married. I'll still give you the title."
The door slammed shut.
I stood there looking at that box of breakfast pastries on the coffee table.
A layer of scallions I hated most floated on top.
Five years, and he couldn't even remember I didn't eat scallions.
I walked over and dropped the whole thing, container and all, straight into the trash.
第3章
That afternoon I went to the bridal shop downtown.
This was a shop you had to book half a year in advance. The gown was made from sketches I'd drawn myself, hand-tailored by a French designer.
It had only been flown in from Paris last month.
I pushed open the glass door and caught the flicker of unease across the manager's face.
"Miss Harding, what brings you here?"
Her eyes darted away, and without meaning to, she stepped into the path leading to the VIP fitting room.
I ignored the way she blocked me and walked straight in.
"I'm here to cancel the order."
Just as I reached the fitting room, the curtain was pulled back.
Kathy Gomez stood in front of the full-length mirror, wearing the gown that belonged to me.
The gown had clearly been let out; the waist hung loose, hiding the slight swell of her belly.
"Kerry, this gown is gorgeous. It's just a little tight here at the waist."
Kathy touched her stomach.
"I've already had them work on it overnight. It'll fit perfectly by tomorrow."
Kerry Dotson's voice was full of indulgence.
He raised his head, and in the mirror his eyes met mine.
Panic flashed at the bottom of his gaze, and his hand slipped off Kathy's waist on instinct.
"Sophia?"
He took a step forward, as though he wanted to explain something, then stopped just as quickly.
The panic on his face hardened into righteousness.
"What are you doing here?"
I looked at the gown, altered beyond recognition.
The little diamonds along the hem were ones I'd picked out one by one, and now they were on another woman's body.
"Here to cancel the order."
My voice was flat, without a ripple.
Kathy seemed startled by my appearance, shrinking back behind Kerry.
"Sophia, please don't get the wrong idea."
She pinched at the skirt, her eyes reddening in an instant.
"I just… I've just never worn a gown this beautiful, so I wanted to try it on."
"If it upsets you, I'll take it off right now."
"Kathy, don't move."
Kerry pressed a hand to her shoulder and turned to me, his brow furrowed.
"Sophia, can't you be a little more gracious about this?"
"Kathy's never worn a wedding gown. She's pregnant, her emotions are all over the place. I was only giving her one small wish."
He looked at me, blame in his tone.
"You're not wearing this gown next week anyway. What's the harm in letting her try it on? Did you really need to come all the way here and make a scene?"
Watching him, I found it almost funny.
"Kerry, this is a gown custom-made to my measurements."
"You didn't just cancel our shoot. You had my gown resized and put it on another woman."
I looked him in the eyes.
"And you think I'm the one making a scene?"
Kerry was stung by my even tone, his face going ugly.
"I told you, she's only borrowing it for a minute."
"After she has the baby, I'll order you an even better one. Is that not enough?"
He came over and tried to take my hand.
"Stop being so aggressive all the time. Kathy's fragile. She can't take being frightened."
I stepped clear of his hand and looked at the manager beside us.
"The cancellation agreement?"
The manager wiped away a bead of cold sweat and quickly handed over a document.
I took the pen and signed my name cleanly on the line.
"Sophia!"
Kerry's voice dropped, carrying a warning.
"What do you think you're doing, signing that? This gown is for our wedding!"
I set the pen down and pushed the agreement back to the manager.
"Not anymore."
I turned my head to him, my gaze calm.
"Kerry, the engagement is off."
"Consider this gown my wedding gift to your child."
With that I didn't spare either of them another glance, turning to walk out.
"Sophia, stop right there!"
Kerry called after me, an edge of temper in his voice.
He seemed unable to believe that the Sophia who always gave in had, this time, actually gone through with calling off the wedding.
I didn't slow my steps.
The moment I stepped out the door of the bridal shop, a gust of cold wind swept past.
A dragging pain shot through my lower belly.
My vision went black, my face drained white as I braced myself against the glass wall beside me.
Cold sweat slid down my forehead.
I bit down on my lower lip, fished the phone out of my bag, and with trembling hands dialed the hospital.
第4章
The hallway of the city women's and children's hospital smelled of disinfectant.
I sat on a plastic chair, the registration slip crumpled in my hand, the dull ache low in my belly coming in waves.
"Number 45, Sophia Harding, please come to Exam Room Three."
The nurse's voice crackled through the speaker.
I braced myself against the wall and pushed to my feet.
I'd taken only two steps when laughter drifted from the VIP corridor ahead.
Kerry Dotson came out of the ultrasound room with his arm around Kathy Gomez's shoulders, a stack of test results in his hand.
"The doctor says the baby's perfectly healthy. What do you feel like eating? I'll take you."
His head was bent toward her, his voice gentle.
I stood where I was and watched them come toward me.
The hallway was narrow. I leaned weakly against the wall, trying to make room for them to pass.
Kerry looked up and saw me.
The tenderness on his face vanished in an instant, replaced by wariness and irritation.
"Sophia Harding?"
He strode over and planted himself in front of Kathy.
"What are you doing here?"
His eyes ran over me, settling on the awkward way I was standing, but there was nothing like concern in them.
"Are you following us?"
I hurt too much to speak. The cold sweat on my forehead had already dampened the loose strands of hair.
"Move."
I said it through my teeth, my voice thin.
"What exactly do you want?"
Kerry didn't move aside. He stepped closer instead, his tone sharp.
"I warned you. Kathy can't handle stress."
"Whatever grudge you've got, take it up with me. Don't cause a scene at the hospital!"
He thought I'd come to make trouble.
Kathy peeked out from behind him and clutched at the hem of his shirt, pretending to be afraid.
"Kerry, my stomach feels a little off."
Kerry's face changed the moment he heard it.
"Sophia Harding, you really have lost your mind!"
His hand shot out and shoved me aside.
"Get out of the way!"
I was already weak, and the shove knocked me off balance. I slammed hard into the wall behind me.
A dull pain spread through my back, and the ache low in my belly flared all at once.
I slid down the wall to the floor, my vision starting to blur.
Kerry didn't so much as glance back at me.
He bent, lifted Kathy into his arms, and strode off toward the elevator.
Kathy, draped over his shoulder, turned her head to look at me.
A cold little smile curved her mouth.
Her lips moved without a sound.
I read it.
She was calling me a hen that couldn't lay eggs.
I sat on the floor and watched them disappear behind the elevator doors.
And I felt, suddenly, at peace.
Five years.
Five years I'd spent trying to move him.
Now he'd finally shown me his true face, and it cut deep.
The doctor leaned out of the exam room.
"Number 45? Why are you sitting on the floor? Come in, quickly."
I pushed off the wall, got to my feet, and walked slowly into the room.
The results: only an unstable condition. I needed rest.
I took the medicine the doctor prescribed and walked out of the hospital alone.
Back at the apartment, I started to pack.
There wasn't much, really.
For five years I'd poured everything I had into Kerry Dotson; my own belongings were pitifully few.
A single suitcase held all of it.
Before I left, I went into the study.
Kerry had always liked to work at that mahogany desk.
I took the mystery box out of my bag.
That night, I'd meant to give him this surprise in front of our friends.
I set the box in the very center of the desk.
Beside it I laid a key to the apartment.
Kerry Dotson, your child already has a father.
Mine doesn't need one.
I dragged the suitcase out, pulled the door shut, and locked five years of my youth away behind it, along with the man himself.